Extremely In-Depth Profiles In Courage: Nereida Gallardo & Irina Shayk (A.K.A. Cristiano Ronaldo's Girlfriends)

Up there you have two women, Nereida Gallardo and Irina Shayk, who are allegedly Cristiano Rondaldo's girlfriend. They aren't being blamed for anything (yet) but there are two of them! What do we really know about them? Let's break it down and compare the two.

Name: Nereida Gallardo

Name: Irina Shayk. Advantage: Shayk.

Gallardo's Job: Inordinately good-looking mechanic.

Shayk's Job: Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model. Advantage: Depends on individual preference.

Gallardo's Legs: There.

Shayk's Legs: From here to YaYa and other Jerry Lewis-isms. Advantage: Shayk.

Gallardo's Stats: One elongated pronunciation of "damn."

Shayk's Stats: Several self-inflicted hits over the head with a frying pan resulting in a comical, rapidly growing bump on the subject's head. Advantage: Tie

Gallardo's "Looking Over Her Shoulder-ility:" 6/10

Shayk's "Looking Over Her Shoulder-ility:" 9/10. That is a Linda Blairian neck turn there.

Gallardo Horizontal: Like so.

Shayk Horizontal: Lah-ike suh-ho. Advantage: Gallardo.

Gallardo's Natural Habitat: Sandy beaches.

Shayk's Natural Habitat: Pleasant meadows. Pleasant meadows that might have ticks. Advantage: Gallardo.

Gallardo Up Close And Personal: A lot better than Up Close and Personal.

Shayk Up Close And Personal: Loses points for the self-photo thing. Advantage: Gallardo.

Arm Candy Skills: Low

Arm Candy Skills: Through the roof. Advantage: Shayk.

Closing Arguments: This photo.

Closing Arguments: This photo.

Winner: You, the reader. But, Gallardo really, because she is probably not currently dating the floppish dandy (if Page Six is to be believed) and because she is a friend to the British tabloids (NSFW).