FIFA's Savior Has Thrown His Hat Into The Ring, And His Name Is Maradona

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With all the turmoil surrounding FIFA in recent months and the power vacuum soon to be created once Sepp Blatter finally relinquishes the reins on his Empire, soccer will need a smooth, steady, experienced set of hands to guide the sport out from the pits of controversy and back into the light. And if there’s any one man who knows about taking a bloated, corrupt, rotting body and transforming it into...well, transforming it into something, it’s Diego Maradona.


Thankfully, then, comes news from Víctor Hugo Morales, a journalist and friend of Maradona, that D10S himself intends to run for FIFA president:

Translation: “Diego Maradona has chosen to combat #FIFA corruption and now will be a presidential candidate for change”

Translation: “I called Diego Maradona to see how his dad was doing. He told me that he would be a candidate for president of FIFA and authorized me to announce it.”


Translation: “‘I AM A CANDIDATE’: those were the words that DIEGO MARADONA replied when I consulted him about his nomination for FIFA president”


Translation: “If Platini and Figo may be candidates for FIFA president, which would be the limitations so that Diego Maradona may not be?”

Indeed, why shouldn’t Maradona’s candidacy be taken seriously? He was known as a hotheaded individualist as a player, but that didn’t stop him from becoming manager of the Argentinian national team. He’s been often ridiculed for his expanding waistline over the years, but that hasn’t robbed him of the energy, strength, and drive to continue working out by unloading crushing haymaker after haymaker on a boxing dummy that, were it a real human, would’ve likely died from internal bleeding under the force of his blows. We all know FIFA needs a facelift; who better to lead that charge than the man so intimately familiar with the non-metaphorical kind?


To us, the answer is obvious. Maradona should feel confident in running for FIFA’s presidency, and he should win, too. FIFA has dragged the sport of soccer into the depths of hell; there’s no one more qualified to return it to heaven’s paved golden streets than the man who’s completed the trek dozens of times himself.