Football Page 1074 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Thirsty-Ass Browns Rookie Gets His Thirst Quenched With Dick Pics
Here's a story about a Browns rookie, a reader's lovely wife, and the thirst. Use this as a teaching moment....
Cowboys And Raiders Brawl At Joint Practice
The Cowboys and Raiders held a joint practice today in Oxnard, California. They did so in front of a significant police presence because Oxnard's two largest gangs—Colonia Chiques and the Southside Chiques—wear the colors of the Cowboys and Raiders, respectively. It wasn't the gangs that broke t...
Roger Goodell Dumps Ice Water On Head For ALS Awareness, Is Clueless
In an effort to make people hate Roger Goodell less, the person in charge of Roger Goodell's Twitter account posted a video of the commissioner doing the Ice Bucket Challenge today....
Orlando Scandrick Got Boned By The NFL's Stupid Drug Testing Policy
Dallas Cowboys cornerback Orlando Scandrick has been suspended for the first four games of the season after testing positive for PEDs. This is dumb, because while Scandrick did have drugs in his system when he was tested, if his version of events is true, there's no way that the drugs he took should...
You Know If A Quarterback Can Be Great After Just Two Years
If a quarterback has a chance to be a star, chances are it will become apparent within two seasons. Chase Stuart of Football Perspective looked at how long it took star quarterbacks to become great, examining the top 42 quarterbacks since the merger and compared how each quarterback performed (measu...
Jerry Jones Calls Photos With Strippers A Misrepresentation
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones spoke to the media for the first time since some weird and gross photos of him and two strippers surfaced online, and he didn't really have much to say. According to him, the photos have been "misrepresented."...
Sammy Watkins Makes Another Great One-Handed Catch
There's something neat about the fact that Sammy Watkins's camp highlight reel is all low-quality Vine video. As if we maybe shouldn't totally believe he's real. Here's another one:...
Vikings DT Linval Joseph Hit By Stray Bullet In Nightclub Shooting
Nine people were shot—including Vikings defensive tackle Linval Joseph, who was struck in the calf—in a Minneapolis club at around 1:40 a.m. Saturday morning. Two of the victims were described in serious condition, but are stable and expected to survive. According to the Vikings, Joseph was an innoc...
Chip Kelly And The Timeless Art Of Seduction
Don't do it, man. Just keep yourself under control. Keep your hands busy. Good. Yes, the zipper. Fidget with the zipper up at your neck. You know that helps. No, no, don't stop, you were doing so well. What are you doing? No...oh God, why would you do that?...
Wanted: Native Art With Redskins Logo And Colors; Drunks Need Not Apply
Dan Snyder's foundation "to provide meaningful and measurable resources that provide genuine opportunities for Tribal communities," named OAF, is visiting Zuni Pueblo in New Mexico next week. OAF is looking to give the Zuni people a genuine opportunity to sell original artwork with the Redskins logo...
Another Miami Dolphin Suspended For PEDs
Miami Dolphins safety Reshad Jones has been suspended four games for violating the league's policy on performance enhancing drugs, the NFL announced today in a classic Friday news dump....
The Chiefs Are Buddying Up To Native American Groups
Whether it be for self-preservation or just out of an admirable instinct to do the right thing, the Kansas City Chiefs are making a concerted effort to solicit local Native groups' input into their pageantry and traditions. What a concept....
Behold The Horrifying Future Of NFL In-Game Advertising
Enter the Toyota Red Zone! There is no escape from the Toyota Red Zone! You will die in the Toyota Red Zone!...
Chiefs Fan Gets Tasered By Arrowhead Security
Not only did this Chiefs fan get tasered at last night's preseason game, he went through the ordeal while suffering the indignity of having a meme shouted at him by the peanut gallery....
ESPN Asks Ray Rice What Wife's Pregame "Words of Encouragement" Were
In case you were not aware that Ray Rice, the Baltimore Ravens, and the NFL would like you to know that Ray and Janay Rice are happily married and not at the center of an ugly domestic violence ordeal, here is Sal Paolantonio asking Rice what his wife's final words of encouragement were before today...
NFL Execs Pissed That Head Of Officiating Was Seen On Cowboys Party Bus
Earlier in the week, TMZ released a video of Jerry Jones's son Stephen partying with several people, including what appears to be Dean Blandino, the NFL's head of officiating. According to at least one person Jason La Canfora spoke to in the league, that is "definitely" him in the blue, skipping out...
Joe Theismann Shills For Dan Snyder And Redskins Facts Site
As the two-minute warning approached in the first half of the Washington's preseason opener against the Patriots, Kenny Albert casually asked the Joe Theismann muppet with Dan Snyder's hand up its ass what it thought about the name controversy. Strap in, kids, Theismann has done a lot of research on...
Chris Rainey: Waived For "Horsing Around With The Fire Extinguisher"
Former Colts running back Chris Rainey was mysteriously waived by the team on July 28th for "violating a team rule." No other reason was given, but while live-tweeting his former team's first preseason game against the Jets tonight, Rainey inadvertently revealed that it involved horsing around wit...