Football Page 1548 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hoo Boy, Those Ravens Are Not Skilled At Football
Son of a Travis Henry, these Week 4 games are starting off boring. Let's check how each game stood at halftime, because that's how the other weekend guys were doing it, I think:...
Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Oklahoma
ESPN enjoys to alliterate Saturdays with "S" words — which are words that begin with the letter "S" — to glorify the weekend's slate of intense games. Separation Saturday comes foremost to mind. But with all the upsets that occurred in the Top 25, perhaps yesterday should be known as "Suck It" Satur...
So Much For Michigan Jokes
The Notre Dame jokes have outnumbered the Pam Ward jokes, so you know it's serious in South Bend. But Michigan and Illinois are both 2-0 in the Big Ten. South Carolina and their Smelley Cock may dodge an upset by Mississippi State. And my Air Force over Navy prediction looks completely wrong. Oh, an...
Differences Between New Orelans and Malibu Beach Are Subtle
So here we are at 3:00. LSU is beginning to pull away from Tulane, but still is too long away from a 40-point win. Michigan is coming back against Northwestern, Duke (!) has narrowed the Miami lead to three, and even though Notre Dame is on the board, you Deadspin readers might as well be the Purdue...
Gamecocks Are Aromatically Content With Their Quarterback Situation
Most of you seem to be watching either Michigan-Northwestern or Purdue-Notre Dame. Which makes sense, because, well, that's what's on. Purdue is shutting out UND, while Northwestern holds a 13-7 lead over the Wolverines. In other games: LSU has a mere 10-9 lead over Tulane, Illinois leads Penn State...
It's Funny, Because Erin Andrews Is Hot, Unlike Charlie Weis
I'm not anywhere near a TV right now — Starbucks doesn't believe in college football — but I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that Erin Andrews interviews Charlie Weis on College GameDay. Totally a wild guess. Now, on with Hugh II: And the Nedyssey Continues......
Why Would You Bet On Kids? I'm A Man! I'm 40! Bet On Me!
Unsilent Majority isn't here this weekend to help you bet on college football. Actually, to tell you the truth, I'm not here to help you either. But if the following college football bets turn out to be true, consider it dumb luck....
Show 'Em Your O-Face, Brian
We hope you're excited, Bears fans; as The Sports Hernia points out, You now have Bill Lumbergh as your starting quarterback. Yeah ... we're gonna go ahead and have you play on New Years Eve this year, Rex ......
It's An Exciting Time In The World Of Sports-Themed Beverages
As detailed yesterday, carbonated beverage lovers were overjoyed to see Jones Soda roll out five new exciting flavors based on the Seattle Seahawks, all based on things found in Holmgren's mustache. The flavors: Natural Field Turf Soda (featuring Josh Brown), Sports Cream Soda (featuring Matt Hassel...
Ookie Is No Dummy
Ladies and gentlepeople, we have finally figured out what we will do if we are ever convicted of a felony, other than "try to grow a mustache and move to Turks and Caicos." We're gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible, and then get caught....
Bring Your Umbrellas To Paul Brown Stadium On Monday
There might be no better metaphor for the beginning of the Cincinnati Bengals' season than the fact that fans have been noticing bird poop in their beers....
Drink Up, Sports Fans
In the tradition of Michael Jordan (or Derek Jeter) cologne comes a flavor of Jones Soda that's designed to make your mouth a-water: It's perspiration soda....
Drew's Guide To The Proper NFL Viewing Position
Big Daddy Drew's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo previews the upcoming weekend of the NFL every, well, every Thursday afternoon....
Ladies, Line Up For Roy Williams
Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is making $1,515,000 this year, which is actually a little less than you might think, considering Jon Kitna is being paid $5 million. Therefore, Williams, under such obvious financial constraints, has to keep a close eye on his bottom line. That is to say: He's amazi...
Trojans Fans Have Their Eyes On The Prize
It is good to know that USC fans, with their team continuing to steamroll opponents, taking a moment to support the underdog....
Brett Favre, On The Edge Of History
This week, in Minnesota, Brett Favre is likely to break Dan Marino's record for most career touchdowns, notching 421. This will give him a one-touchdown lead and, of course, a one-Super Bowl lead. But we always forget: Favre is on the precipice of another record Sunday as well....
Our Pick For The Worst Football Coach
We've already made fun of Norv Turned today, but, you know, at least he has shown some aptitude as an offensive coordinator in several different locals. If he weren't coaching the Chargers right now, we might not even be thinking about him — even praising him. But there's no excuse for Dave Wannsted...
God Apologizes For Helping Kitna
Lions quarterback Jon Kitna, just eight wins away from that preseason prediction, claimed last week that God healed his concussion, allowing him to play last week against the Eagles. You might have wondered what God thought about this. Well, Sportsline's Clay Travis has talked to God, and he's sorry...
BREAKING: Ron Mexico Smokes Pot!
So this is gonna blow your mind, folks: A couple of weeks ago, when matters might have been somewhat stressful for Michael Vick, he ... tested positive for marijuana. You think you know a guy....