Football Page 1690 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
We're Going To Resist A "Giving Him Blue Balls" Joke
See that? That's a Christmas ornament as designed by Colts quarterback Peyton Manning for the Alive Hospice. It's kind of cute, a hand-drawn little angel. Other ornaments featured on the site include designs by Amy Grant, LeAnn Rimes, Tennessee governor Phil Bredesen and, yes, country music croone...
Sweet Lord, Let Him Not Be Kidding
Last week, Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson disappointed us — and pretty much every sports fan we know — by scoring a touchdown and simply handing the ball back to the ref....
Eventual, Delayed Justice, Miami Style
We're not sure if you can call it a "happy" ending, or even anything resembling justice, but, after a semester of institutional idiocy, at least things will be slightly back to normal....
You're Doing A Heckuva Job, Ticey
Imagine, if you will, Ron Artest blasting fans for getting in fights, or Damon Stoudamire organizing a protest against High Times, or Fred Smoot screaming at those who would use contraptions to "please" two women who happened to be lying prostrate on the deck of a boat. Hypothetically speaking....
The End Of Brett Favre, For Real This Time (Probably)
It has been so long since Packers quarterback Brett Favre was good that it would almost seem mean to continue thrashing him if it weren't for the John Maddens and Peter Kings of the world still treating him like Jack Twist treated Ennis Del Mar. (We imagine SI editors, in the Michelle Williams rol...
Fred Smoot Is Depressed
Well, here's a surprise: Vikings cornerback Fred Smoot has had a little different first year with the Vikings than he initially thought he would. (Not to be crude, but, uh, "holding a double-headed dildo and moving the dildo while each end was inserted into the vagina of two women" is a phrase tha...
Ben Troupe Will Do Anything For His Teammate
Well, we're two months in, so we suppose CBS Sportsline's rad, dope, duuuude "SPiN" section was due for a worthwhile story. Though it's not the same since they made E-Mack! go back to his Christian name. And this morning, we have to admit, they've got one: All respect....
Professor Irvin's Class Is In Session
The Miami Herald points us in the direction of something that was new to us: The Michael Irvin Academic Resource Academy. Irvin recently dedicated the "learning center" in Ft. Lauderdale, and whatever our thoughts about Irvin, it's difficult to find much fault in the gesture. Its goal is to help "...
How Could We Forget About Ron?
Last Friday, when we looked back at the month of April in our daily "Year In Review" segment, we made probably our biggest gaffe since starting this site: We, somehow, forgot to include Ron Mexico....
The Vikings Meet The Seventh Floor Crew
Sometimes, someone comes up with a concept that's so perfectly in our sweet spot that we can merely stand up and salute, and that's really saying something, because we spend the whole day on our ass....
The Only Real Way For Millen To Survive
As our weekend cohort The Mighty MJD pointed out yesterday, the "Fire Millen" bandwagon in Detroit yesterday — the organized protest by Lions "fans" to get rid of long miserable team president Matt Millen — has reached critical mass; it's so big now that Rasheed Wallace is on board. Not only is Fi...
NFL Roundup: Sad Colts, Happy Bolts
• We'll confess, we were actually kind of rooting for the Colts not to finish 16-0. Not because we have anything against them — we don't, save for maybe a suspicion that Edgerrin James did a guest spot on the seventh floor crew — but because we will never have faith in Tony Dungy and Peyton Chessn...
The Severe Beating of the Dallas Cowboys
The Redskins are beating the Cowboys in just about every possible way that a team can be beaten. You have to wonder how all of our lives would be different if more of the original cowboy vs. Native American matchups had gone this way in the early history of our nation....
All The Sudden, It's All Colts
I blinked in the 3rd quarter, and all the sudden, the Colts are leading the Chargers 17-16. Dwight Freeney hammered Drew Brees from behind to force a fumble, and Peyton Manning hit Dallas Clark in the endzone to take the lead....
Pittsburgh Leading The Other Relevant Game
The Steelers have a 7-point lead in the only other relevant game being played at 1 o'clock. Ben Roethlisberger scored on a 12-minute 3-yard touchdown run for the Steelers....
Giants Lead Chiefs At The Half
Thanks mainly to a goal-line stop of Larry Johnson, one of the worst defensive efforts you'll ever see by the Chiefs, a turnover late in the half, and a Jay Feely field goal attempt that was evidently influenced by divine intervention, the Giants lead the Chiefs 10-3 at halftime....
The Afternoon In College Hoops...
• #14 UCLA 68, Michigan 61. Jordan Farmar and Arron Afflalo both went over 20 for the Bruins, and Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, enemy of people who sew last names onto uniforms everywhere, had 9 rebounds off the bench. • Tennessee is currently throttling #7 Texas. I know it's only my second week doing...
Someone At Fox Loves The Damn Sleigh Bells
Every ten seconds or so in the Patriots/Bucs game, someone at Fox is hitting the button to play some goddamn sleigh bell noise. It's like the producer put his ADD child in charge of the audio for today's broadcast, and the little bastard is pounding the sleigh bell button like he's playing Ten Yar...
Sources Say Reggie Bush Turning Pro
The Los Angeles Daily News is reporting that Reggie Bush will turn pro and is already being advised by Mike Ornstein of Reebok, who also used to work for the Raiders. When pressed to reveal their sources, the Daily News identified them as "pretty much anyone who watches any football whatsoever."...
A Couple Of Naughty Longhorns
Two Texas Longhorns are in trouble, and their timing could be considered poor. The Austin Police Department released a statement last night saying that they were investigating two different criminal incidents involving individuals "involved in the UT athletics program," which sounds like a nice wa...