Former NFL Linebacker's Solution For The Struggling Eagles: Hump Less

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The Eagles are 2-3, but fortunately for them, their division sucks. Former NFL linebacker and Philly news anchor Garry Cobb has a suggestion to get the team back on track: Don’t let the players fuck.

As the Fox 29 crew discussed the Eagles’ slump on Monday, Cobb proposed that the team go to “drastic measures.” “I think they need to go on a fast,” he said. “Not food fast.” He means ... sex??


Cobb took it to another level and said that while the Eagles shouldn’t be fucking, he certainly would be. Via’s Rob Tornoe:


Cobb’s idea to save the Eagles is not a novel one. It has long been thought, but never been proven, that if an athlete has sex before an important game, they will not play as well because they’re happy, and it’s best to play sports when you’re on edge and irritated at all times. Some World Cup teams still believe this.

Besides, who exactly on the Eagles is humping too much? They’re responsible adults. Carson Wentz might be reckless with the pigskin, but he doesn’t seem reckless with the lambskin. Jay Ajayi just tore his ACL; what else does he have to do now? Nick Foles isn’t a starter anymore, so he and his hog should be fine.