Allegedly Enormous-Donged Eagles QB Leads Team To Super Bowl Victory

The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl champions after defeating the New England Patriots 41-33 Sunday, and they couldn’t have done it without the stellar performance from backup quarterback Nick Foles and his reportedly gigantic hog.

Back in 2014, Foles’s Eagles teammate Connor Barwin revealed that the QB had the biggest dong in the locker room. Eagles offensive lineman Evan Mathis did “not condone,” but also did not debunk, Barwin’s answer. We’ve also heard that in college, Foles’s nicknames were “Big Dick Nick” and “Footlong Foles”—seriously.

Foles returned to Philly this season and took over at QB when Carson Wentz shredded his knee late in the Eagles’ campaign. For his surprising competence, Foles earned the hesistant support and emotional investment of the city. He gradually became Big Dick Nick, the confident QB who no longer looked like he was one bad game away from retiring.

Big Dick Nick is now a Super Bowl champion. Although Wentz will most likely regain the starting QB job next season due to superior talent, Foles can take solace in this unforgettable postseason, and his apparently colossal penis.