Maybe it is time for the Nationals to consult a witch doctor. Their list of injuries this season is ridiculous, and now you can add to it Ryan Zimmerman, who reportedly screwed up his shoulder sliding home in the 11th inning of their Thursday night extra-innings win over the Houston Astros.
Let’s go down the damn list, shall we? Bryce Harper screwed up his knee hustling to a wet first base on August 12, and is on the disabled list, with no end in sight; Jayson Werth has been out since June 3 after screwing up his big toe by bashing a foul ball off of it; Trea Turner suffered a screwed-up wrist when he was pegged by a fastball June 29; Adam Eaton’s knee is totally screwed after he injured it legging out an infield hit on April 28; Michael Taylor screwed up his oblique running to first on a grounder on July 6; Brian Goodwin is out with a screwed groin; Max Scherzer screwed up his neck celebrating a dinger; Ryan Madson is out with a screwed-up finger on his pitching hand; Joe Ross underwent Tommy John surgery last month to repair his massively screwed pitching elbow. Enny Romero? Screwed. Koda Glover? Screwed. Ryan Raburn? Screwed. Stephen Drew? Also screwed!
You have heard endless sob stories from Mets fans about how torn to shit their team is by injuries this season. Well I am here today to say boo friggin’ hoo to those assholes. They’ve got 10 guys on the disabled list—that’s plenty! Plenty of wounds over there for those guys. The Nationals have more! No team in baseball has more players out with injury than the Nationals, and only one (the Dodgers) has as many. Washington’s entire starting outfield is out indefinitely. The Nationals have 12 players currently on the disabled list, and that’s only because Stephen Strasburg just came off of there. But not to worry! Ryan Zimmerman’s injury has come just in time to bring the Nationals back up to lucky 13. And I for one am completely sick of it.
A wonderful autumn tradition in the Mid-Atlantic region is watching the Nationals flame out in the NLDS. That tradition is in absolutely no danger whatsoever, but at least in years past there was some goddamn drama to it. This year there are no Nationals players left to participate in the playoffs. They’ll be letting the damn Presidents play in the infield by the time October rolls around. They’re up 13.5 games on the second-place Marlins in the NL East, but it is starting to feel more and more like the exciting part of their season is over.