Photo: AP

Jacksonville is the largest city in America by the ‚Äúmeasure that counts,‚ÄĚ according to geographers‚ÄĒtotal land area, rather than population. In this way Jacksonville is America‚Äôs number one city.

Land‚ÄĒthey‚Äôre not making any more of it. It‚Äôs obviously exciting to be the city that contains the most of it, compared to all others. Imagine, if you will, what all of that space in Jacksonville contains: Trees. The Gateway Mall (this might have closed since I was last there?). Looking for something more active? Try the Avenues Mall. Fan of culture? There‚Äôs also Regency Mall. Foodie? Little Caesars‚ÄĒseveral locations.

The only thing we don‚Äôt have in Jacksonville? Bandwagons. I don‚Äôt even know what they look like. But it sure does seem like they‚Äôre all over the freaking place everywhere else. In recent days and hours, many people‚ÄĒincluding those who not long ago engaged in mockery, fun-poking, and thinly veiled ridicule‚ÄĒhave reached out to me via multiple communication channels to ask, ‚ÄúWhere is today‚Äôs Jaguars Junction? We apologize in a groveling manner for our pathetic attempts at satire in the past. Now that the team is in the ‚Äėbig time,‚Äô can we please have a taste of the Jacksonville lifestyle, in the form of your popular column‚ÄĒwhich we no longer see as a big joke?‚ÄĚ

Certainly. Just mail a self-addressed stamped envelope, along with $80 cash or money order, to:

The Beating Heart of Jacksonville (c/o Hamilton Nolan)
114 5th Ave, 2nd Fl.
New York, NY 10011


‚ÄúFuck Boston.‚ÄĚ- former Jacksonville resident Jonathan Papelbon.

‚ÄúJaguars Junction‚ÄĚ is an independent source of football analysis unaffiliated with any professional sports franchise.