Locker Page 1140 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Dead Letters: Maurkice Pouncey Stole My Buddy's Trashcan (Plus: Lots And Lots Of Hate Mail!)
Subject: So, my bud is neighbors with Maurkice Pouncey and his trashcan went missing yesterday...

Chris "Birdman" Andersen Is The Victim Of An Extortion Attempt, His Lawyer Says
Yesterday's shocking news of a child porn investigation at the house of Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen has led to today's announcement by Andersen's lawyer that he may be an extortion victim....

Don Nelson Finally Will Graduate From College This Weekend
You know what they say. All these dumb NBA players go to college to play basketball, not to learn; it's a farce. No one gets a degree. Things used to be much better in the 1960s before John Calipari and all his fancy sneakers came to town....

Sacha Baron Cohen Doesn't Know You're Tired of Him
One of the surest signs you've become a successful comedian is that a lot of people absolutely can't stand your shtick. When you're starting out in standup or as a performer, you're desperate to get noticed, but you also have the time to hone your act and experiment and figure out your unique thing,...

Thunder PA Announcer Arrested And Fired After He Allegedly Forced Kids To Watch Him Masturbate
Jim Miller, the public address announcer for Oklahoma City Thunder games, was arrested yesterday and charged with three felony counts of lewd or indecent acts with a child under 16. The Thunder announced shortly thereafter that they had fired Miller....

Kenneth Faried Appeared To Be Broken After Being Flagrantly Fouled By Kobe Bryant
Kobe Bryant earned a flagrant foul call for this hit on the Nuggets' Kenneth Faried, a shot that—for a moment, at least—made some wonder if Faried would be able to return to the game....

Deadspin Up All Night: Over And Over
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Enjoy the basketball. See you tomorrow....

Miami Heat Apologize For "Extinguishing" Amar'e Stoudamire
This is what happens when an otherwise personality-less P.A. announcer tries to show a bit of personality. The Miami Heat have now formally apologized for "extinguishing" Amar'e Stoudamire after his sixth foul last night....

Dwight Howard's Rehab Is Basically Him Limping Around Beverly Hills With His Socks Pulled Up To His Neck
A reader named Luke sent this in and says it's something he sees "like 3 times a week." So this is what a premier athlete's rehab looks like: the 5 p.m. early-bird dinner rush....

Summer Is The Goddamn Worst
May has started, which means that we're quickly running out of May and I don't want May to end because that means summer is here and OH FUCK GOD PLEASE NOT AGAIN....
![Report: Chris "Birdman" Andersen's Home Is Target Of Kiddie-Porn Investigation [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17m7x73c24njyjpg.jpg)
Report: Chris "Birdman" Andersen's Home Is Target Of Kiddie-Porn Investigation [UPDATE]
Denver's 9News is reporting that Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen's home is the target of an investigation by the Internet Crimes Against Children division of the Douglas County Sheriff's Department....

After Amar'e Stoudemire Fouled Out, He Was Gonna Help Shane Battier Up, But ... Nah
Last night, we showed you how the Heat's PA guy made a corny reference to Stoudemire being "extinguished from the game" when he fouled out. But this video shows you what happens at the end of that clip, when Amar'e decides to lend a helping hand before he doesn't....

Jon Hamm To Star In That Disney Movie About Those Pitchers From India The Pirates Signed
According to Deadline Hollywood, the Mad Men star and former Deadspin commenter will play a leading role in the upcoming Disney treatment of Million Dollar Arm. Hamm will play J.B. Bernstein, the real-life sports agent who "discovered" Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel and got them deals with the Pittsbu...

The Heat PA Guy Announced Amar'e Stoudemire Fouling Out As "He Has Been Extinguished From The Game"
Ha! Ha! Get it? Because he severely injured his hand punching a fire extinguisher! You're winning friends the right way, Miami Heat. (We isolated the arena audio track so you can hear it more easily.) [TNT]...

Deadspin Up All Night: Throw The Switch
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. It's rock 'n roll time....

Before Steve Kerr Sends 19-Year-Old Players Back To College, He Should Try Some Academic Research Himself
Former NBA star Steve Kerr penned a lengthy, multi-sectioned argument in Grantland this week in which he not only defends the NBA's current ban on players under age 19 but pushes for the minimum age to be raised to 20. Forcing young people to spend more time as scholar-athletes, according to Kerr, ...

Another Mike Leach Book Inscription: "Anybody But Craig James For Senator"
Last night, we showed you the personalized message Washington State football coach Mike Leach left when autographing a copy of his book for a fan, which referenced the possibility that Craig James killed five hookers while at SMU....

Greg Oden Says He Became An Alcoholic, Got Offers To Work In Porn
Mark Titus has a piece over at Grantland that offers a "rare and candid" look at the reclusive Greg Oden, who was finally released by the Trail Blazers in March after five seasons marked mostly by injuries. Titus, who writes about his basketball experiences on his blog, Club Trillion, acknowledges u...

Spokeswoman For Craig James Denies He Killed Five Hookers While At SMU (OK, Whatever)
It's the probing question that keeps the world's brightest minds up at night: Did unpopular Texas Republican Craig James actually kill five hookers while at Southern Methodist? Tim Rogers, an editor at D Magazine in Dallas, finally got James campaign spokeswoman Meredith Turney on the phone for a fr...

Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...