Mellon Arena: The Final Frontier

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The NHL Closer is written by the five Star Trek: The Next Generation enthusiasts from Melt Your Face Off. When not attending conventions, they can be found in their makeshift Holodeck, where they practice putting the moves on a virtual Counselor Troi. Set your phasers to stun, Deadspinners, because Weed Against Speed has the Bridge.

If the Stanley Cup Finals were played out in the Star Trek: TNG Universe, one could say that Sidney Crosby, for the first time in the series, finally proved that his commission as Captain of the USS Penguin was fitting as he scored the first two goals in an incredibly entertaining 3-2 Pittsburgh victory over the visiting Detroit Red Wings.


The entire Q Continuum (NBC, Gary Bettman and the NHL) were very pleased with the outcome of last night's game. In support of Captain Crosby, Marian Hossa (2 assists) played the role of Commander William T. Riker and Adam Hall (goal) was Lieutenant Commander Data in this completely tired nerdy analogy.


The Penguins finally solved the newly-discovered ladykiller that is Chris Osgood late in the first period as Crosby scored the first goal for Pittsburgh in the series. The loyal fans in the Igloo rejoiced. And they were all wearing white, except for these douchenozzles. Crazy!

Sid the Kid put the Pens up 2-0 2:34 into the second period when Marian Hossa fired a shot which Osgood could not control and Crosby was there to bury the rebound home. Crosby pumped his fist and bedlam ensued.


Alas, Detroit wasn't about to quit so easily and they rediscovered their game in the latter half of the second period. Johan Franzen, shaking out the cobwebs resulting from recurring headaches, cut the score in half at the 14:48 mark. The score remained 2-1 Pens as the second period closed out.

The third period would be the most entertaining period thus far in the series, as the squads got physical, finishing every check and going after every loose puck. Osgood was a bit shaky at the outset, but held on. Unfortunately, he was finally beat after Gary Roberts worked hard to get the puck deep, and Adam Hall bounced a shot off Osgood's leg for a 3-1 Pittsburgh lead 7:18 into the third.


Of course, Detroit kept up the pressure as Tomas Holmstrom clanked one of the post. Mikael Samuelsson scored on Marc-Andre Fleury with 6:23 left in the game and things quickly became very interesting. Fortunately for the Penguins, they held on and ensured they would not be swept. Final Score: 3-2.

For the first time in three games, Marc-Andre Fleury outplayed Chris Osgood, making 32 saves and winning for the 19th straight time at the Igloo. Game 4 will be Saturday night on NBC.


Perhaps we will be fortunate enough to once again have Alexander Ovechkin appear during an intermission as he did last night. Much to the chagrin of the studio crew, Unfrozen Caveman Hockey Player refused to pick a winner in the Finals, even when pressed, which is more than you can say for the outfit he chose to wear. Eurotrash has never looked so…poorly kept?


* Hockey Blogfather Greg Wyshynski purchased Chris Pronger's page and held a contest to see what slogan would be used. Check out the Final Five slogans and vote. Yours truly sponsored Derek Boogaard's page, you wanna fight about it? [Puck Daddy]


* I have no idea what they will have up when the NHL Closer is posted, but I'm sure it will be entertaining and terrifying all at the same time. [The Pensblog]

And finally, Steve Carell playing hockey. How could that be a bad thing?