Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Celtics blow a 14-point lead, but even up the series anyway thanks to five minutes of inspired basketball from Rajon Rondo.
• The Nationals, picking first in tonight's amateur draft, cop to having some interest in Bryce Harper, who will be taking his no-good, very-bad attitude to right field, most likely.
• Today in desecrating Chicago statuary: The Michael Jordan statue is still wearing skates, only someone has now taped over the Nike logos that someone else had affixed to them.
• Speaking of whom, MJ is now doing bizarre things like showing up at a Blackhawks game, licking his fingers, and slapping the bald pate of the gentleman seated in front of him. Depicted above. H/T reader Andrew D. for the screengrabs.
• The Cavs are kicking Tom Izzo's tires. Who wouldn't want to coach that Williams-Parker-Jamison-Hickson-Varejao juggernaut?
• Charles Oakley, reliably strange:
There was much more, including a vaguely homophobic remark about Isiah Thomas, the former Knicks' president, who now coaches at Florida International University. When Rosenberg mentioned that he had become friends with Thomas, Oakley remarked, "You ain't gay, are you?'' Oakley's intended meaning was not clear. He added later, "If you see a man kiss me, I better be in my casket."
• Tiger Woods fires a 72 on the last day of the Memorial, plunking spectators left and right.
• The Washington City Paper's Dave McKenna catches up with Gary Mays, who as a 5-year-old blew off his left arm in a shotgun accident but went on to hold Elgin Baylor to 18 points in a high school game. "Elgin didn't like my nub," he says. "So I kept rubbing it against him."
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Good morning, everyone. It's Monday. This one goes out to the happy couple.