Microwaving Poop Lands Canadian Football Players In Deep Doo-Doo

If there's one thing my grandfather told me that I have always held on to was when he said, "Don't put shit inside something you use to heat food that you intend to eat." But Gramps always got sayings wrong.

Evidently, several of the players on Toronto's Chaminade College football team didn't have someone like my Gramps to teach them valuable life lessons, as they find themselves in a bit of trouble because of a poopy prank where they put feces in a bag and placed it in a microwave.

Doug Yack, superintendent of education for the Toronto Catholic District School Board, confirmed to the Star on Friday "kids make mistakes, but this was bizarre behaviour."

Last Saturday, as the team was set to return home following a loss, the players put a bag with feces into a hotel microwave and turned it on.

Principal Mike Wallace confirmed those involved would pay the cost of the damages, but at the time he chose not to suspend the players or remove them from the team.

Well, it's a good thing the players weren't suspended, at least at this point. Can you imagine how much crap they would get from their teammates?

Further, this report is woefully short on information. What kind of poop was it? Human? Animal? Alien? (The truth is out there) If human, did the pooper have enough foresight to defecate right into the bag or did he make the crucial error of not doing so then had to place the turd in the bag manually? Did it explode? Did anyone call the shit "poop"? These are questions that need to be answered.

Nuked feces will cost high school footballers [Toronto Star]