To help ease the sting of your disappointment, the team will award the first 15,000 fans at tonight's game (i.e., all of them) a plastic toy with an oversized head that slightly resembles the former MVP. (Or maybe his brother if you squint really hard.) Just because the man couldn't crack a .200 average this year is no reason to let all these molded pieces of junk go to waste.
So get there early, Bay Area, and claim your eternal reward. If you love America, the outfield will be littered with severed Giambi heads by the third inning. Go do as you're told.
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Well, that week ... happened. I think we even got through it without besmirching anyone's virtue too much. If you live in the Northwest Territory be sure to get your Favre on tonight. I'll be back in the morning with several racist diatribes and lots of ill-informed soccer talk. Sunday: The GOD of KO. Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin.