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My Whole Life Worth Less Than Crap Stolen From Alex Rodriguez's Rental Car

Photo: Mike Ehrmann (Getty)

Alex Rodriguez has many things that I will never have. A career .930 OPS. A job on television. A cake with crystals on it from Jennifer Lopez. A gigantic two-way glass window next to his crappin’ toilet, situated prominently in one of the busiest cities in the Western hemisphere. Some of the many fine and precious things A-Rod has that I do not and never will apparently fit into your standard rental car, which is how they came to be stolen by one San Francisco car burglar with very good timing. From the Chronicle:

Rodriguez was in town broadcasting the Giants and Philadelphia Phillies game for ESPN and he left his car on the 400 block of Brannan Street, about three blocks from Oracle Park, sources said.

Sometime between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m., someone broke into a car in that location and stole a camera, a laptop, miscellaneous jewelry and a bag, said Officer Adam Lobsinger, a San Francisco police spokesman. Lobsinger said the burglary involved a private citizen and it’s against department policy to release victim information.

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Darn. A laptop, a camera, a bag, some miscellaneous jewelry—who among us hasn’t lost or destroyed or had stolen some valuable piece of electronics or jewelry. A real downer! Why, just this summer my wife left an heirloom ring of great sentimental value next to the hot tub at her mother’s neighborhood pool complex, and that was a real heartbre—

But numerous sources told The Chronicle the victim was Rodriguez and the thieves pilfered roughly $500,000 worth of goods.

It’s not just that A-Rod had a half-million bucks’ worth of crap stolen from his rental car. It’s that he thought so little of a half-million bucks’ worth of crap that he left it sitting in a rental car parked on the street a couple blocks from work.

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