Old Man Wayne Rooney Is Thriving In MLS

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Old man and Manchester United legend Wayne Rooney was supposed to be irreversibly washed. He still largely is—hence why he’s in MLS to begin with—but, still, he’s definitely been making the most out of his American sabbatical. He’s already mashed his face into bits and notched one of his career-best highlights, on top of three goals and three assists in just five starts. On Wednesday, he continued his streak of eventful games with a brace, just his third since April 2015.

With D.C. United down 1-0, Rooney effortlessly knifed through an incredibly unstable Portland backline to receive a through ball, slotting the pass on his first touch into the bottom corner for the equalizer:

After a teammate scored to make it 2-1, Rooney got an opportunity to sink his first free kick since his 250th goal for Manchester United, which made him the outright leading scorer in club history. He did so, with another curler, easily beating the overmatched Timbers keeper to make it 3-1:

The old man threw that shit back to 2011. Check out how eerily similar that free kick was to this banger he smashed against West Ham during the 2010-11 season:

We won’t be seeing that version of Rooney any time soon. Nonetheless, not bad for a guy who’s had the has-been label slapped on him as early as 2015.