Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Penguins Fans Are Not At All Desperate, Hard Up For Dates

Illustration for article titled Penguins Fans Are Not At All Desperate, Hard Up For Dates

For some of you ladies, your dream may be to marry a handsome millionaire in the Bahamas. For others, it may be a magical date with a Penguins fan on Dollar Night at Mellon Arena.

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Tonight, your dreams may just come true! A Penguins fan (not pictured) is on Craigslist advertising for a date to tonight's NHL playoff game with the Flyers. All you have to do is show up, be attractive, and have a working knowledge of the Penguins. Form an orderly line, ladies!

I don't see how it would be possible to resist.

We will meet somewhere downtown after work and grab a quick bite to eat before the game. From there we will rush off to the see the Penguins smash the Flyers again! I have 2 seats in the IGLOO section, so in between periods, we can go into the lounge for a refreshment or snack.

Conditions abound:

Age: Between 25 and 45
Race: Not a factor
Education: Some higher education or specialized training. We do have to be able to carry on a somewhat intellingent (sic) conversation, after all.
Marital Stats: Single or Divorced. I am not interested in someone who is separtated from her husband or worse yet, married and sneaking around behind his back!
Favorite Hockey Team: PITTSBURGH PENGUINS!! Please tell me how long you have been a Pens fan and how loyal of a fan you are. Examples would be appreciated!

Please include a few (not from the same set) RECENT photographs of you in your reply so I can verify that you are real and determine if there is a physical attraction on my end. You will receive photographs from me, ONLY if you are selected, so that you can verify that I am real and also determine if there is a physical attraction towards me from your perspective. Fair is fair. I don't want this to feel like a total blind date for either of us.

PLEASE MEN — NO FAKE OR EVEN REAL REPLYS! THE GAME IS TOMORROW NIGHT AND I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE SLOWED DOWN BY YOUR FOOLISHNESS. I AM 100% HETEROSEXUAL

Your loss, guy. You were THIS CLOSE to attending this game with Jeff Reed.

Free Ticket To Pens Game On Friday — $1 (Mellon Arena) [Craigslist]
Attention Ladies — Now's Your Chance For A $1 Game [PensBurgh]

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