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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Rejected Commenter Theater 5: Assignment Miami Beach

Illustration for article titled Rejected Commenter Theater 5: Assignment Miami Beach

To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week. Mr. Iracane, co-proprietor of the brilliant Walkoff Walk , is also the guy who approves comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed. So here's this week's column that digs up the bloated corpse of rejected commenters to parade them around for the entertainment of the masses. Part of my job is to page through the pending comments that folks who want to become commenters leave on this here website. It's a pain, but I do it because I love Deadspin and I love making people sad. Once again, I've taken some of the worst comments that I've rejected and culled them for your enjoyment, because I know how much you folks love to laugh at the pain of others. Pull up your office swivel chairs and join me in some schadenfreude!Remember when our own associate editor and puppy enthusiast Rick Chandler questioned the veracity of MMA fighter Lloyd Irvin's claims that he fought off armed burglars with his bare hands? Pending commenter FidelityCacharpa wasn't pleased with Rick:

Rick Chambers, you're a giant coward, how about you call him and ask him yourself? Or better yet, come to the academy in person and ask him yourself, man to man. I use the term "man" loosely in regards to you, however.


Oh, my mistake. He wasn't attacking our Rick Chandler, he was going after someone named Rick Chambers. Now I feel bad for banning you, person who probably was a spam commenter anyway! Sometimes, we here at Deadspin incur the wrath of Barbaro fans, mostly because former editor Will Leitch thrived on the blood of fallen horses and couldn't stop laughing at the pain of horse lovers. And who can blame him, those animal activists are lunatics. Even worse, however, are people who ingest a bucket of PCP before trying to post. Just take a peek at pending commenter Jennifromtheblock's contribution:

We want a Board...We want a forum...What better place than Deadspin. Sorry Barbaro, no pun intended. TTHHAATS OOOKKHHAAY>III JJJUUSSST WWAANT TTO RRREESST IIN PPPEEAACCE MMMYY LLEG IISSS KKKIILLLIINNG ME. Or, maybe it was just his "Friends" that made him want to give up the ghost...

Yikes. Next time, lay off the angel dust and then try again. Hey, remember that post back in September about the soccer mom who was packing heat at her 5-year-old's game? Well pending commenter AngelaDufie was none too pleased with our coverage.

Amazing how childish the comments here are. Not to take away from the boorish game of slinging insuts but I thought the adults may appreciate some facts and pertinent commentary... 1) It is well established that "open carry" is legal in Pa. Supreme court has clarified that several times. Also the court records that show "open carry" is not grounds for revocation of a persons license. 2) The sheriff has ignored the law and is using the abusing the authority of his office to make a personal "statement" (his own admission in the article today) by inappropriately revoking her license.

Angela then prattles on about more legal mumbo jumbo and even cites local ordinance codes an...zzzzzzzz. Also, there's nothing "childish" about a good comedy pyramid about guns and Capri Sun. Folks, if you've got a political agenda, I hear www dot I have some boring things to say dot com is looking for commenters. Finally, here's your quarterly dosage of Philadelphia hatred, in honor of our beloved World Champion Phillies, from the desk of rejected commenter EdandHerman:

Sorry Buddy. I hate to break the news to you. Everybody hates Philadelphia. Ben Franklin would rather shove his Electric Kite up his keyhole than sit through any Philly pro sports game.


Yep, these are my rejected commenters. These commenters, however, were smart enough to avoid being rejected because they made the Comments of the Fortnight: Re: Excessive World Series Celebrations in Philadelphia Doyle McPoyle: Not the bus shelter! Lenny Dykstra lives in there! Re: Chris Berman's McCain/Obama MNF Interviews jussstabitoutside: Both Berman and McCain went to the Gene Keady School of Combovers. Re: The Rangers' Dead Hockey Player Problem MattinglysSideburns: Dany Heatley checks in the mail everyday for that new best friend Gary Bettman promised to send him. And of course, into every life a little tinkle must fall. Here's a couple of folks who pissed me off enough to have their commenting privileges seriously abated: Say Goodbye To: ClintonPortishead Why: Attempting to make a dirty Erin Andrews joke but coming up short when insinuating that folks would still be drinking pinot grigio wine from 2001. C'mon! Everyone knows you don't age white wine that long. Temporarily Say Goodbye To: jmuskratt Why: Being overly sensitive about race on a post that had nothing to do with race without making any hilarious jokes. Now serving a five-day suspension so he can read the post before commenting.