Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day (and whatever shit Ken Rosenthal is throwing against the wall). This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!!


• Ryan Braun's .332/.397/.597 season earned him the 2011 National League MVP award. And for the first time since Sandy Koufax won it in 1963, a Mazel Tov is in order.

• The Rangers signed Joe Nathan and may move Neftali Feliz, their talented but highly emotional reliever into the rotation. This can't end badly, right?


• The Yankees are interested in Jair Jurrjens and Gio Gonzalez, but aren't ready to part with top prospect Manny Banuelos and Dellin Betances just yet because Cashman still believes their surnames are more fun to say out loud. Banuelos! Betances! We agree.

• White Sox GM Ken Williams was the victim of the most bizarre burglary ever when "the intruder drank beer, ate frozen pizza, used the Internet and kicked his shoes off on a bed. There was also evidence he was defrosting a lobster, police said."


Ken Rosenthal throws some shit against the wall

• The Nationals have set their sightson Mark Buehrle. Could he be this years Jason Marquis?


• Somebody actually put Dave Robertson on their MVP ballot and, surprisingly, it's not the same individual who tried to defrost a lobster in Ken Williams's house.

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