Soccer Page 213 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Whose Face Is This On Brandi Chastain's Hall Of Fame Plaque?
American soccer legend Brandi Chastain was inducted into the Bay Area Sports Hall of Fame yesterday, where she was honored with an unveiling of a bronze plaque of her likeness. Only it wasn’t her face. It was Peter King’s!...
Zlatan Red-Carded For Slapping Opponent’s Head
When a European soccer star moves to the United States for the twilight of his career, it’s only a matter of time before he’s involved in one of two hilarious incidents: He oversells an injury or gets a red card for a stupid reason. Today, Zlatan Ibrahimović did both on the same play!...
Gianluigi Buffon Ends 17-Year Juventus Career With Win, Serie A Title
Legendary Juventus keeper Gianluigi Buffon was substituted out at about the hour mark of today’s match against Verona. The appearance will be the last in Buffon’s incredible 17-year run at Juventus. As you can imagine, it was an emotional moment:...
Argentina FA Puts Out World Cup Manual With Chapter On Picking Up Russian Women
The Argentine Football Association, the country’s governing body of soccer, held on Tuesday a course for players, coaches, executives, and reporters heading to Russia for next month’s World Cup. The course, taught by Russian language teacher, Eduardo Pennisi, included a manual, “Russian Language and...
The Israeli Soccer Team Renamed After Donald Trump Has A History Of Open Racism Against Arabs
Beitar Jerusalem received some press Sunday when the Israeli soccer club announced that it would change its name to “Beitar Trump Jerusalem” as a gesture of appreciation for President Donald Trump for moving the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem. (Today, Trump’s daughter Ivanka and son-in-law Jared Kushner ...
Israeli Professional Soccer Team Renamed After Greasy Huckster
The new U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem will be opened with a big ceremony on Monday. Ivanka and Jared will be there! I am not here to offer commentary on this development—it is deeply unpopular with basically the entire rest of the world, much like just about everything else the Trump administration has ...
The NWSL Hasn't Had A Commissioner For Over A Year, And It's Getting Left Behind
On March 2, 2017, Jeff Plush stepped down as commissioner of the National Women’s Soccer League....
Old Man Wayne Rooney Looks To Be Headed To D.C. United
A year after Wayne Rooney left Manchester United to return to his boyhood club, Everton, the former England great is reportedly on the cusp on joining D.C. United in MLS. United will reportedly pay a £12 million transfer fee for Rooney....
Jozy Altidore's Foot Surgery Could Put His World Cup In Dange—Oh Wait Goddammit
In a better world, the news that Toronto FC and USMNT striker Jozy Altidore’s underwent foot surgery yesterday would’ve been awful. Oh Christ, you would’ve thought to yourself after seeing the Altidore news in this hypothetical world where the weather’s a little nicer and your parent company is a li...
Fair And Balanced Referee Knocks Over Defender, Then Goes And Trips Attacker
Apparently they don’t teach referees in Turkey how to avoid standing right in the middle of the action so as not to bowl over a guy with the ball, though it looks like they do teach them how to remedy a situation like that by sneakily taking the legs out from under a player on the other team, so it ...
Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Rafael Nadal Catches Shit For Supporting Rival Soccer Clubs
Rafael Nadal is roughly midway through his clay-court rampage, having lengthened his consecutive set streak to a record 46, and just had some time off between tournaments in Barcelona and Madrid. He spent some of that precious downtime watching soccer, which he loves deeply....
Barcelona And Real Madrid Combined For One Exquisitely Dumb <i>Clásico</i>
Spain’s El Clásico remains the biggest and best rivalry in all of soccer. Especially during the last decade, when matches between Barcelona and Real Madrid practically always meant matches between two historically great teams who desired nothing more than to stick a shiv into their most hated foes’ ...
Michael Buffer Announces Soccer Lineup While Being Soaked By A Sprinkler
It’s never really a bad idea to get famous boxing announcer Michael Buffer to show up at a sporting event and get people ready to rumble. This is mostly because he’ll always do the job well—he’s had plenty of practice—even when unforeseen obstacles arise. Just ask the fans in attendance at Sunday’s ...
Alex Ferguson Undergoes Emergency Brain Surgery Following Hemorrhage
Alex Ferguson, the legendary former manager of Manchester United, underwent emergency brain surgery Saturday following a brain hemorrhage, according to an update from the team:...
Iranian Women Dress Up As Men In Order To Attend Soccer Match
Among the crowd that watched Persepolis top Sepidrood Rasht, 3-0, in Tehran last week was a group of six female fans who disguised themselves as men in order to get into Azadi Stadium. ...
Liverpool Lose By Enough To Win Their Way Into The Champions League Final
Continuing this year’s Champions League tradition of first-leg beatdowns followed by second-leg borderline meltdowns, Liverpool lost to Roma today by a score of 4-2 but still won the tie. They will now meet Real Madrid in the final in Kiev on May 26th....
Ethiopian Soccer Coach Fired For Socking A Ref In The Face
Video replay in soccer sucks, but goal line technology is great. The biggest advocate for the introduction of this tech in Ethiopian soccer is probably the referee of this weekend’s Defence Force vs. Welwalo Adigrat match, since it probably would’ve saved him from getting fed this fist sandwich:...
Blame Bayern Munich, And All The Rest Of Them
If, after watching Bayern Munich’s appalling display of simultaneous superiority and ineptitude that granted the evil white empire of Real Madrid entry to the Champions League final, you found it a little difficult to maintain the furious, righteous anger in your belly once you saw the agonizing, te...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...