Soccer Page 213 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jordan Pickford's Manuel Neuer Impression Ended In Disaster
Tottenham pantsed Everton something serious this afternoon, scoring six goals on the hapless Toffees. Their attack was ruthless and Everton never seemed to get up to speed. Son Heung-Min banged in the opener with a well-placed shot, though really, the story of that goal is Everton keeper Jordan Pic...
RB Leipzig's Timo Werner Gets Early Christmas Present From Werder Bremen
Werder Bremen got into the holiday spirit in their match against RB Leipzig on Saturday when a back pass from Max Kruse—a striker who was incredibly far back, for some reason—to keeper Jiří Pavlenka went horribly awry and drifted to the feet of Timo Werner, gifting the German striker one of the easi...
Brilliant Shithead Hatem Ben Arfa Is Yet Again Back From The Dead
It was three years ago that Hatem Ben Arfa, the supremely talented and infamously knuckleheaded French attacker, was in the midst of a career resurrection. Since then, Ben Arfa’s seen his career buried once again by the shitheadedness that has all too often overshadowed his immense gifts. And yet, l...
How On God's Green Earth Did This Ball Not Go In?
AZ Alkmaar plastered PEC Zwolle in the Dutch Cup today by a score of 5-0. However, due to some wicked backspin and an insanely precise smack off the crossbar and the possible imposition of dark magic, AZ forward Mats Seuntjins’s 15th-minute strike somehow was not one of those five goals:...
The Real Star Of Mike Piazza's Doomed Foray Into Italian Soccer Is His Wife
Over at The Athletic, author Robert Andrew Powell wrote an entertaining and comprehensive story about Mike Piazza’s disastrous two-year tenure as owner of third-tier Italian soccer team Reggio Emilia, and it has everything: Piazza’s obvious desire to recapture the thrill of his playing days (Piazza ...
José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over
After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state...
The New MLS Playoff Format Is A Disaster In Waiting
In its effort to continue to tweak every single thing imaginable, MLS announced on Monday that there will be a new playoff format starting in 2019. The league is doing away with the European-influenced two-legged playoffs in favor of a single-elimination tournament, akin to March Madness....
This Is How Liverpool Will Win The Premier League
Liverpool are legitimate contenders to win all the big trophies this season for the simple reason that their starting lineup is crammed full of players who are amongst the very best at their positions. Mohamed Salah, Virgil van Dijk, Alisson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, the forward line generally, the f...
American Soccer Is Fine
Zack Steffen, an American soccer player who currently plies his trade on U.S. soil, is set to join the English Premier League’s reigning champions. The Columbus Crew have announced that the MLS Goalkeeper of the Year will be moved to Manchester City Football Club next summer for an undisclosed trans...
Here's The Champions League Round Of 16 Draw
The Champions League draw for the Round of 16 went down on Monday morning, and three of the four advancing English teams are going to have a very difficult road. Tottenham drew Bundesliga leaders Borussia Dortmund; Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool got perennial powerhouse Bayern Munich; and—in the marquee m...
Serbian Soccer Fans Barrage Linesman With Snowballs, Force Stoppage Of Play
Supporters of Serbian SuperLiga club Partizan Belgrade decided to show their contempt for a sideline official on Saturday with an onslaught of snowballs the instant he made his way to an acceptable range. The referee put a temporary stop the match as the snowballs forced the linesman onto the field ...
Paulo Dybala Learns What It's Like To Play With Cristiano Ronaldo
Here is what would’ve been Paulo Dybala’s equalizing wondergoal in the last seconds of Juventus’s 2-1 loss to Young Boys in the Champions League yesterday, if only the referee hadn’t ruled it out for Cristiano Ronaldo’s offside interference, which maybe/probably wouldn’t have been called had Ronaldo...
Thomas Müller Sent Off For Karate-Kicking Opponent Upside The Head Like A True Maniac
Bayern Munich will advance into the Champions League knockout rounds atop their group after a wild draw with Ajax today that saw two red cards within eight minutes of each other and four goals after the 82nd minute. Bayern had to score their equalizing and go-ahead goals without Thomas Müller on the...
It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan
Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan....
World-Famous Atlanta Strip Club Welcomes In A Little-Known Soccer Trophy For Some Booty Dancing
Millions of young boys around the world dream of one day making it inside Magic City, Atlanta’s internationally renowned strip club. Very few of those dreamers imagine it will be success in America’s bootleg soccer competition that will bring them there, but, for dreams, ends matter more than means....
Ousmane Dembélé Clowns Two Tottenham Defenders And Dunks The Ball Into The Net
Ousmane Dembélé just gave Barcelona the lead against Tottenham in the Champions League by flying past defender Kyle Walker-Peters with an absolutely insulting big touch and then sitting midfielder Harry Winks on his ass with his trademark fake shot before slamming the ball past goalkeeper Hugo Llori...
Of Course Lionel Messi Has Become A Master Of Free Kicks
Lionel Messi is slowing down. It’s a painful thing to admit, but it’s true. As the old saw goes, Father Time is undefeated, and there is no greater testament to how unbelievable Messi was at his peak than the fact that he remains far and away the best player in the world in spite of Father Time’s ef...
Chelsea Ban Four Fans In Conjunction With Alleged Racist Abuse Of Raheem Sterling
While local police investigate an incident during Saturday’s Chelsea-Manchester City match during which a Chelsea fan was caught on camera allegedly yelling racist shit at Raheem Sterling, Chelsea have identified four fans suspected of being involved and have banned them from attending matches while...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Glad He No Longer Plays With Selfish Assholes Like Cristiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo obviously loves himself some Cristiano Ronaldo. But you know who Cristiano Ronaldo doesn’t love? Teammates who act like Cristiano Ronaldo....
Boca Juniors Take Copa Libertadores Lead Via This Absolutely Gorgeous Nahitan Nández <em></em>Pass
The second leg of the infamously delayed Copa Libertadores final is happening today in Madrid; the soccer knowers will have more and better things to say about it than I could. I just want to call attention to this stunning 45th-minute pass from Boca Juniors’ Nahitan Nández, ahead to a streaking Dar...