Soccer Page 214 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
After Nearly Two Years, Tottenham Are Finally Buying Players Again
Congratulations, Spurs fans: the club’s long transfer market nightmare is finally over. On Tuesday, Tottenham Hotspur announced not just one, but two transfers, the first by the club since signing right winger (both on the field and off of it) Lucas Moura back in January of 2018. And judging by the ...
Christen Press Scores, Alex Morgan Trolls, And USWNT Leads England 2-1 At The Half
Anyone concerned by Megan Rapinoe’s absence from the starting lineup of today’s USWNT Women’s World Cup semifinal against England was given swift reassurance that everything would be okay when Christen Press, Rapinoe’s replacement, scored this arrowing header just 10 minutes in:...
Relax, It's Okay That Megan Rapinoe Isn't Starting Against England
After scoring two goals in back-to-back games, Megan Rapinoe will start Tuesday’s Women’s World Cup semifinal match-up against England...on the bench. Per the USWNT’s announcement of the lineup, Rapinoe has been benched in favor of Christen Press, one of two changes to the starting XI that faced Fra...
Nation With Zero Women's World Cups Thinks Defending Champs Are Too Arrogant
The United States women’s national team—three World Cups and four Olympic gold medals to their name—will meet England—zero of either—tomorrow afternoon in Lyon to decide who plays in Sunday’s final, and the English seem rather perturbed with the brimming confidence shown by the Americans. ...
Recently Promoted Spanish Soccer Club Renamed As Flat Earth FC
After earning promotion to the Spanish fourth flight division, the club formerly known as Mostoles Balompie got a complete rebrand from president Javi Poves and was renamed Flat Earth FC. Poves confirmed in a video statement that the change was intended to support one of the dumbest fringe beliefs:...
Aging Fraud Luis Suárez Misses Only Penalty In Shootout Against Peru, Ends Uruguay's Copa América Campaign
The trade-off in having Luis Suárez on a team has always been for every person he bites, black player he racially abuses, or referee he headbutts, he’ll score at least a couple dozen goals to make up for all of that shithousery. But it appears that as he’s reached his 30s, the playing abilities that...
Report: Dutch Couple Claims Wesley Sneijder Drunkenly Danced And Urinated On Their Car
An 35-year-old bald man was arrested last Sunday after he drunkenly danced, hopped and urinated on a car in Utrecht. Initial reports speculated that it was former UEFA Champions League winner Wesley Sneijder in video clips and grainy photos of the incident, but now the elderly couple that owns the c...
Sweden Snaps 24-Year Losing Streak Against Germany With 2-1 Victory
Sweden entered their quarterfinal match up with Germany sick and tired of hearing about this damn losing streak that has plagued their national team for nearly two-and-a-half decades, but it’s hard to ignore something like that given the history between the two sides. Since 1995, Germany had defeate...
The Netherlands Huffed And Puffed Until They Blew Italy’s Defense Down
Just because the Netherlands narrowly survived their round of 16 match against Japan thanks to a late penalty didn’t mean that they were out of the woods yet with the tough obstacles ahead of them in the knockout stage of the Women’s World Cup. In fact, on paper their Saturday match up with Italy se...
Purple-Haired Lesbian Goddess Flattens France Like A Crêpe
Megan Rapinoe has spent this week enduring Swiss-cheese brained criticism from some powerful haters, but today, after the USWNT’s 2-1 victory over France, there can be no slander against her. Rapinoe scored the first two goals of the game—and the only ones for the U.S.—as she piloted her national te...
Serial Sexual Harasser Amr Warda Allowed To Rejoin Egypt National Team
On Wednesday, it appeared that the Egypt national soccer team had taken a commendable stand against sexual harassment when it kicked Amr Warda off the team after stories of Warda being a pestering creeper to several women flooded social media. Today, the team clarified that it does not actually take...
Megan Rapinoe Cannot Make This Any Clearer
Megan Rapinoe does not want to go to the White House. Megan Rapinoe does not want to go to the White House if the U.S. Women’s National Team wins the World Cup, because Donald Trump is the president. She does not want to visit Donald Trump because of his record and statements on racial issues, gende...
Lucy Bronze's Stunning Goal Completes England's Demolition Of Norway
England had themselves a chill afternoon in the quarterfinals against Norway, scoring twice in the first half and once a little later on to beat the Norwegians 3-0 and advance to the semifinals, where they’ll face the winners of Friday’s game between the USWNT and France. But before they worry about...
Barcelona And Valencia's Goalkeeper Swap Looks Shady As Hell
Yesterday, Barcelona announced that they had sold goalkeeper Jasper Cillessen to Valencia, for a fee of €35 million. Today, Valencia announced that they had sold goalkeeper Neto to Barcelona, for a fee of €26 million with €9 million in add-ons. In doing so, Barcelona and Valencia traded goalkeepers,...
Old Man Wayne Rooney Scores A Goal From A Million Billion Miles Away
Wayne Rooney has done some cool stuff with D.C. United, in Major League Soccer. He did a lovely free kick goal. He virtually single-handedly dragged the United to the MLS playoffs. An insane two-way highlight from last August was rightly hailed as maybe the best MLS highlight ever. I hereby submit ...
Egyptian Soccer Player Kicked Off National Team After Getting Exposed As A Sex Pest On Social Media
The Egyptian national soccer team, currently competing in the African Cup of Nations, announced today that they have booted midfielder Amr Warda out of their AFCON squad after several women revealed evidence of Warda being a DM-sliding, unsolicited dick pic-sending creep....
Argentine Soccer Team Orchestrates On-Field Sit-In To Protest Red Cards
In the second leg of their promotion playoff final against Alvarado, players from third-tier Argentine soccer club San Jorge de Tucumán decided to protest what they considered two unfair first-half red cards by sitting down in the middle of the field and refusing to move or play. This lasted about t...
Megan Rapinoe Has Been Clear Before About Not Wanting To Step Foot In The White House
Well before Donald Trump farted out some tweets in her general direction this morning, Megan Rapinoe made it perfectly clear where she stood. In a May profile at Yahoo Sports, the soccer player described herself as a “a walking protest when it comes to the Trump administration.” ...
The USWNT-France Clash Is The Real World Cup Final
Months of pre-tournament preparation, weeks of controversy and VAR and stress, days of hand-wringing—they’ve all led us here. Since the Women’s World Cup draw back in December, the United States and France, the two best teams in the world, have been on a collision course that unfortunately all but g...
An Unlucky Handball Sends Japan Out Of The World Cup
An exhilarating World Cup round of 16 rematch between the Netherlands and Japan got decided in favor of the Dutch in the 90th minute, thanks to a penalty kick converted by forward Lieke Martens. The PK gave the Dutch a 2-1 win over the same team that kicked them out of the 2015 World Cup, and it put...