Soccer Page 214 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Here's A Nice Dad Thing
Denmark keeper Kasper Schmeichel may have ultimately been outdone by his Croatian counterpart, Danijel Subašić, during yesterday’s penalty shootout, but he still earned national hero status by saving Luka Modrić’s penalty late in extra time. A fun subplot that arose during the game was Schmeichel be...
Croatia Narrowly Avoid Fraud List After Surprisingly Thrilling Penalty Shootout Victory
Croatia-Denmark opened with a bang. Denmark used a mighty throw from Jonas Knudsen to set up what was frankly a panicky, little-league-ish scramble in the box, leading to a charmingly fluky goal from Mathias Jorgensen, helped along by Croatian keeper Danijel Subasic. This was in the first minute of ...
Russia Topple Spain In Penalties, Puke Puke Puke
Fraud-ass Spain lost in penalties to rigged-ass Russia Sunday in a match that was an exercise in pure teeth-grinding frustration. Spain dominated possession but were the very worst version of their pass-happy selves, noodling around in the midfield and the attacking third but failing to play with an...
Edinson Cavani Leads The Shithouse Kings Of Uruguay To Victory Over Portugal
Uruguay are the masters of ugly. Their style of play is defined by lining up 11 guys who want to sprint around for 90 minutes kicking the shit out of the ball and the opposition, taking the so-called beautiful game and shoulder-barging it into the muck and grime of the pitch, and trying to emerge fr...
Kylian Mbappé Annihilates Argentina And Sends France To The World Cup Quarterfinals
For a solid hour, today’s France-Argentina match didn’t make a lick of sense. Then Kylian Mbappé up and decided to impose his own order on the proceedings, and that was that. France won by a deceptive scoreline of 4-3 that doesn’t at all communicate the level of French dominance on display....
Minnesota United's Collin Martin Comes Out As Gay
Minnesota United midfielder Collin Martin became the only active openly gay man in American sports on Friday, coming out publicly with a message on Twitter and a very cool photo ahead of his team’s Pride Night game....
Iran Striker Says He Quit National Team Because Fans' Insults Made His Mother Sick
Sardar Azmoun, a 23-year-old striker with the Iranian national team, was perhaps his country’s best hope for offense, both at this World Cup and in future competitions. But Azmoun couldn’t score a goal in any of his team’s three games, and after absorbing the fallout since Iran’s elimination, he see...
England Score Big Win By Losing To Belgium
In today’s crucial group stage match between England and Belgium, the Brits narrowly managed to come out on top by coming out on bottom of a hard-fought 1-0 loss. With this phenomenal loss, England won entry to the much weaker side of the knockout round bracket, and now have a clear lane to the Worl...
Now These World Cup Teams Are Frauds, In My Opinion
The group stage is over. Many frauds are going home. Now it’s time for the knockout rounds, where additional frauds will be eliminated. These are some of the frauds:...
FIFA's Goofy Yellow Card Rule Isn't To Blame For Senegal's World Cup Exit
Senegal got knocked out of the World Cup this afternoon after they lost to Colombia by a score of 1-0. This is a bummer, because Senegal were one of the most entertaining and likable teams in the tournament. However, Senegal have no one to blame other than themselves for how things went down....
Senegal Crashed Out Of The World Cup In The Cruelest Possible Way<em></em>
Senegal’s second-ever World Cup is over and it couldn’t feel worse. ...
Everything You Need To Know About Penalty Shootouts, Including, Just Maybe, How To Win
Let’s start in the nightmare parallel universe in which the rules of the NBA dictate that, after J.R. Smith outmuscles Kevin Durant for the rebound and dribbles out the clock in a tie game, the starting fives for the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors each shoot a single free throw, tally...
Philippe Coutinho Might Fuck Around And Win The World Cup For Brazil
Coming into the World Cup, the big advantage Brazil had over supposed heavy favorites Germany (ha!) and Spain was the presence of a real-deal superstar. In an international tournament, where collective attacking intricacy is in short supply, an individual’s ability to take the ball from one side of ...
Both England And Belgium Have Every Reason To Lose Tomorrow
England and Belgium will meet tomorrow at Kaliningrad Stadium in a match that will decide which team will win Group G. Both teams have scored eight goals and conceded two in a matched pair of blowout wins against Panama and Tunisia. This means that if they draw tomorrow, they will have identical goa...
Grateful Mexico Fans Are Treating South Korea Fans Like Royalty<em></em>
Despite a 3-0 loss to Sweden, Mexico fell ass-backwards into the knockout rounds because of some late heroics from an already-doomed South Korean squad. After Mexico’s fate became clear against Sweden, their fans turned their attention towards the Germany-South Korea game in hopes that the questiona...
Fraud-Ass Mexico Dodged A Bullet Today
After looking commanding in an opening-day beatdown of the World Cup’s defending champs, then slick and deadly in an easy victory over South Korea, Mexico proceeded to completely shit the bed today. All they needed to do against Sweden was not lose by multiple goals, which seemed like something betw...
South Korea Killed Germany And Tossed The Dead Body Out Of The World Cup
Germany, the reigning champions of world soccer and one of the three huge favorites to win this World Cup, have been knocked out of the tournament at the group stage for the first time in history after losing to South Korea by a score of 2-0. This is absolutely insane....
Diego Maradona Explains His Wild World Cup Behavior: "My Neck Hurt A Lot"
Argentina soccer legend and stubby crazy person Diego Maradona was acting pretty nuts during yesterday’s World Cup game between Argentina and Nigeria. His rolling eyes and sloppy teetering, combined with the fact that he had to be carried away from his seat and visited by doctors after the game, mad...
The Egyptian Football Association Turned Mo Salah's World Cup Into An Embarrassing Disaster
Ahead of Egypt’s final match, against Saudi Arabia, at the 2018 World Cup, reports began to emerge that star player Mohamed Salah planned to retire from the Egyptian national team following the quadrennial tournament....