Soccer Page 287 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arrested Ex-FIFA VP Cites <i>The Onion</i> In Strange Self-Defense Video
Today in Dumb FIFA Man, arrested ex-VP Jack Warner tried to thank his supporters and clear his name during a strange Facebook video in which he cites a report from The Onion to prove FIFA’s generosity. ...
![Leicester City Stars Film "Depraved" Orgy Featuring Racial Slurs [NSFW]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/b9sl4h0xmpo1iulf7ejl.jpg)
Leicester City Stars Film "Depraved" Orgy Featuring Racial Slurs [NSFW]
Leicester City players James Pearson, Tom Hopper, and Adam Smith are under fire after video of a strange orgy during the team’s recent end-of-season trip to Thailand has made its way public....
FIFA Sponsors Double Down On Endorsement Of Slavery
If you expected this week’s sham re-election of Sepp Blatter after a massive federal corruption takedown to be the final straw in corporate slave sponsors’ relationship with FIFA, you have far too optimistic a view of the world. McDonald’s, Anheuser-Busch, Coca-Cola, Visa, and other FIFA sponsors ar...
Why Sepp Blatter Will Run FIFA Until He Dies
Toward the end of Sepp Blatter’s victory speech, delivered after riding out the biggest scandal of his career by having his emperorship validated in resounding fashion, the FIFA president looked into the camera and said “I like you.” ...
All Hail Sepp Blatter, FIFA Emperor-For-Life
As expected, courageous leader, tenacious progressive, and upstanding citizen Sepp Blatter has won re-election as president of FIFA. His impeccable credentials gave him the overwhelming victory over Guy Who Is Not Sepp Blatter, with the first vote ending up 133-73 before Blatter’s opponent generousl...
Will There Be Enough Votes To Oust Sepp Blatter?
In about five hours, while you are sleeping soundly, FIFA will begin voting in Zurich for its next president. The secret ballot will be held by the 209 member associations of FIFA, who each hold one vote, meaning that Maldives has the same voting power as Germany. In the first round of voting a cand...
How Many Ways Can You Hide A Bribe? The Best Of The FIFA Indictment
“There are some people here who think they are more pious than thou. If you’re pious, open a church, friends. Our business is our business.”...
Sepp Blatter Shocked, Shocked To Find That Bribery Is Going On In Here
In a statement released just now, FIFA president Sepp Blatter wants you to know that he’s just as concerned as you are about corruption in his organization. Corruption which comes as a complete surprise to him, and which he totally has nothing to do with....
IRS Goober Hits FIFA With A Tasty Burn
There were a lot of important things to discuss at today’s Department of Justice press conference about the corruption charges being brought against FIFA, but let’s worry about that stuff later. For now, we can focus on this dude from the IRS, who stepped up to the podium and unleashed hell:...
FIFA Says There Will Be No World Cup Re-Vote
As the Justice Department arrested or indicted 14 FIFA and media officials in dramatic early morning raids, Swiss authorities announced a criminal investigation of their own, into allegations of corruption and bribery related to the allocation of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups to Russia and Qatar. FIF...
Reports: Justice Department Brings The Goddamn Hammer Down On FIFA
According to reports in both the Wall Street Journal ($) and New York Times, a number of FIFA officials were just arrested in Zurich, Switzerland, and according to the Times are expected to be extradited to the United States where they will face charges of “wire fraud, racketeering and money launder...
FIFA Slaves Banned From Attending Relatives' Funerals
The 2022 Qatar World Cup will be brought to you by Coca-Cola on the backs of slave workers, many of whom hail from Nepal. These workers live in filth and work in terrifyingly dangerous conditions; their efforts to build the McDonald’s-funded event will result in one dead worker for every 90 seconds ...
Australian Soccer Chief Falls Off Podium At Trophy Ceremony
Melbourne Victory beat Sydney FC 3-0 last night to take Australia’s top soccer trophy, but all most Aussies will remember about the evening is 84-year-old FFA chairman Frank Lowy falling off the stage while trying to present the champions with their award....
Stadium Lied To; Fans, Players Cheer Title They Didn't Win
Strap yourselves in, because this story is batshit....
Banned Manager Hires Cherry-Picker To Let Him Watch Match
Hamit Işık is banned from entering his team’s stadium for the next nine months, but that didn’t keep the Çorum Belediyespor manager from keeping an eye on his team’s playoff game. The Turkish league skipper is suspended for a recent interaction with a referee, and the stadium itself was closed to fa...
Eduardo Galeano Has Died; Here Are Excerpts From His Classic Soccer Book
Eduardo Galeano, one of the most beloved writers to ever come from Uruguay and Latin America as a whole, has passed away today at the age of 74 after succumbing to cancer. Galeano was famous for writing about politics and history and war and economics. He also brought the same passion and knowledge ...
Ottawa Fury Player Attacked During Flight To Atlanta
An assailant attacked Ottawa Fury FC forward Oliver Minatel today during the team’s Air Canada Jazz flight to Atlanta for Saturday’s NASL match against the Silverbacks. CBC reports the man attempted to use his headphones as a garrote to strangle the former C.D. Nacional player just before the plane ...
Why Soccer's Most Popular Advanced Stat Kind Of Sucks
Here's some free advanced soccer analytics: .095....