Soccer Page 287 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bad Fan Hocks Loogie Straight Into Face Of Soccer Player
This video of some typically crude and unsporting behavior in Argentina is queued up to begin where the real action starts, but if you’d like a little backstory, you can skip back to the beginning. On the other hand, if you just want to see a dude spit in a player’s face, just hit play and let it ri...

Alexis Sánchez Does Two Bad Things, Saves Self By Doing Good Thing
Arsenal’s Alexis Sánchez had a chance to level up the game against Bayern Munich with a penalty. He took a bad one, and it was saved. Oops! Thankfully, the ball bounced kindly into his path for an easy rebound. Only he botched that with a whiffed shot. Oops again! The soccer gods smiled on Alexis, t...

Arjen Robben Teaches Arsenal Why You Can't Let Him Cut In On His Left Foot
Yes, everyone knows it’s coming. And everyone also knows that the whole point is that even though everyone knows it’s coming, it’s still impossible to stop. And yet it remains hard to watch a team allow Arjen Robben to get onto his left foot and do what he always does, as he’s just done to Arsenal:...

Soccer Team Boned By Ref Who Allowed Idiot On The Field To Score Goal
Motagua were on the cusp of sealing a big win late into their match against rivals Olimpia in the Honduran league last week. Then, up 2-1 with just seconds remaining, the Motagua keeper was beaten by two shots that hit the back of his net almost simultaneously. One goal was the equalizer, scored by ...

Clint Dempsey Cleared To Return After Heart Problem
After being sidelined in September 2016 for the remainder of the MLS season with an irregular heartbeat, Seattle Sounders and U.S. men’s national team forward Clint Dempsey has been cleared to return....

Ángel Di María And PSG Kick Barcelona's Dicks Clean Off
For years Paris Saint-Germain have spared no expense in their efforts to realize their dream of winning the Champions League. For years they’ve failed, putting out attack-minded teams that crush domestic foes in Ligue 1 but consistently come up short in the competition they really want to win. And w...

Leicester City Are Having A Garbage Season
The fairy tale of last season was real. Leicester City—such a preposterously unlikely underdog that even the instinctive Cinderella comparison feels like a woefully insufficient metaphor for the sheer absurdity of a small, recently promoted club beating Manchester United and Chelsea and Arsenal and ...

Italian Soccer Guy Scores Most Bellissimo Goal Of His Vita
Mamma mia! Here’s Perugia forward Francesco Nicastro serving up the spiciest of meatballs with this outrageous jumping, spinning, backheel volley in Italy’s Serie B:...

Sadio Mané Steamrolled Tottenham All By Himself
Lately, the soccer-watching world has been in the midst of a (quite understandable) inquest into the mysterious affliction affecting Liverpool in 2017. It seemed like once the calendar switched, the club that had most convincingly staked its claim as the Premier League’s second-best team this season...

Two Minutes After Tweeting "Game Over," Sunderland Got Scored On Again
Here is Sunderland nearing the end of today’s match against Southampton:...

Finally, Someone Appears Ready To Unleash The Full Powers Of Gerard Deulofeu
It’s been an up-and-down year in an up-and-down career for the magnificently gifted, maddeningly daft, infinitely enamoring young winger Gerard Deulofeu. ...

Italian Guy Tries To Scheme His Way Into Hospital To Watch Soccer Game From Window, Fails
Most of the time when someone pretends to be sick so as to gain admission to a hospital, it’s to finagle their way into a prescription for drugs to slake an addiction. Yesterday, one Italian man tried something similar, though his addiction is to soccer and his satisfaction could be found right ther...

MLS's Simple Transfer Rules Explained In One Handy Chart
Wonder why some college soccer players are drafted into MLS while others are signed outright? Or why some players coming from overseas have their MLS destinations selected for them while others personally handpick the team they’ll play for?...

American Liverpool Fan's Adam Lallama Tattoo Is Dumb And Amazing At The Same Time
Adam Lallama. Adam Lallama. A llama, with Adam Lallana’s face. I’m almost tearing up over the beauty of it all....

Hometown Kid Jesé Introduces Himself To Las Palmas Fans With An Awful Miss
In the 67th minute of Monday’s Granada-Las Palmas La Liga match, PSG loanee Jesé stepped onto the pitch for the first time with his new club Las Palmas. That moment was the culmination of Jesé’s life journey so far, one that started in the city of Las Palmas, went through Madrid, took a short detour...

Romelu Lukaku Is The New King Of England<em></em>
If you are a close follower of Everton or the career of the Toffees’ big striker, Romelu Lukaku, you’ve become familiar with a certain set of criticisms that often get lobbed in Lukaku’s direction: He doesn’t run enough. He needs to improve his hold-up play. He only wants to score goals....

The USMNT Can Party Now
Attention, attention: The United States Men’s National Team is cool again, just in time for spring break. Bruce Arena has released the team from the authoritarian hold of Jürgen Klinsmann and he’s ready to burn this motherfucker down....

Elderly Giant Peter Crouch Is Still Scoring Goals And Dancing Like A Lovable Goof
Of all the soccer players even non-obsessives can most likely recognize, Peter Crouch is probably the oddest. He was never a truly great player, and never really all that popular or famous, either. For most of you who know Peter Crouch, it’s because of two of his immutable attributes: 1) that he’s E...

Sacramento's MLS Expansion Bid Is A Fiasco<em></em>
Sacramento was one of 12 cities to submit a formal application for an MLS expansion team yesterday, but they did so under mysterious circumstances. The city’s highly successful USL Pro side Sacramento Republic FC was suspiciously absent from the bid, which was handed in by a former Kevin Johnson PR ...

This Terrible Jack Rodwell Tackle Is Why English Soccer Is Wonderfully Stupid
Just look at this shit. A beautiful touch by Tottenham’s Mousa Dembélé to slice through Sunderland’s midfield. A completely hopeless and reckless leg-smasher of a tackle by Jack Rodwell in response to Dembélé’s skill. And somehow, despite standing three feet away with a perfect view of the clatterin...