Soccer Page 312 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Crime Novelist Who Reinvented Soccer Writing
The Books Issue is the eighth issue of The Classical Magazine. In addition to the piece below, it features writing by Alex Belth, Holly M. Wendt, and many more writing about such subjects as North Dallas Forty, the making of "What Do You Think of Ted Williams Now?," Harry Crews, The Pogues, and bike...
German Cup Match Invaded By Surprise Anal Sex Tours
The hanging of flags and banners by soccer team supporters' groups is a tradition as old as the game itself. But what the hell is this, spotted during last night's DFB Cup match between Eintracht Frankfurt and Borussia Dortmund? Is there really a a Frankfurter booster crew called Anal Sex Tours?...
Rival Fan Smokes Cristiano Ronaldo In The Head With A Lighter
Some Atlético Madrid fan did all the Cristiano Ronaldo haters a favor today by pinging a lighter off the eminently hateable star's head. Even your teammates are laughing at you, Ronaldo!...
How Atlético Madrid Is Making La Liga Fun Again
The typical European soccer league hierarchy is in a bit of flux this year. Yes, England's league, as usual, remains the deepest in the world in the midst of an amazingly competitive campaign with more swerves and shifts of momentum than a Gareth Bale free kick. But in Germany—often the most competi...
I Can't Stop Watching This Goal Celebration
This is the greatest celebration of a totally pedestrian goal you'll ever see. This guy, playing in an amateur game in Italy, is really fired up for his tap-in goal off a soft rebound. While it is a nothing goal, the celebration is so great that you will completely forget that he even scored by the...
Added Time Bites Manchester United In The Ass As Fulham Draws
Though the basement-dwelling Fulham took a 1-0 lead 19 minutes into the match, Manchester United's two quick goals by Robin Van Persie and Michael Carrick near the end of the second half seemingly corrected everything. But in extra time, Fulham wrecked their stability....
Obese Fans Will Get Discounts, Special Wider Seats At The World Cup
All 12 of the stadiums hosting 2014 World Cup matches will be either new or completely renovated, and a recently passed Brazilian law requires that at least one percent of their capacity be devoted to seats for fans with disabilities, including obesity....
Barcelona Benefit From Maybe The Worst Own Goal Of All Time
How...? So he... but then... huh? Jesus Christ, that was terrible....
How The Transfer Window Makes Us Joyless <em>Football Manager</em> Drones
If you're still irrationally hoping, praying that one or two of those impossibly tantalizing rumors—David Luiz to Barça? Cavani to Chelsea?—comes true to legitimize the hours you spent throughout the month mashing the refresh button on The Daily Mail's transfer gossip page just as soon as you had fu...
Spanish Soccer Team Refuses To Play In Wages Protest
The protest of Racing Santander, in the third tier of Spanish soccer, was fairly attention-getting, as far as these things go. After kick-off of their Copa del Rey quarterfinal, players huddled arm-in-arm and refused to play, while coaches and substitutes did the same along the touchline....
This Could Just Be What All The Other States Call Texas
As of this posting, you can still find this—which is filthy, childish and funny all in one—on ussoccer.com....
Check Out Daniel Sturridge's Outrageous Rainbow Shot Golazo
It's not every day a center back pings a perfect long ball over the back four for an assist, but then again it's not every day that a striker's first-time, high-arching shot actually finds the back of the net. Did I mention that he wasn't even looking?...
Juan Mata Is Signed. What Will Manchester United Do With Him?
We knew something had to give at Manchester United, what with the team's huge mounds of money begging to fill the huge holes in the squad, but it's still a bit of a surprise that the deal in hand is for Chelsea's Juan Mata, bought for a reported £37M. A bona fide world-class number 10 is a nice addi...
"Diehard" Soccer Fans Pretend To Know Players Who Don't Exist
Well, well, maybe Americans aren't the only ones who don't know anything about soccer. ...
Sad Manchester United Allow Elderly Samuel Eto'o To Score Hat Trick
No one would have imagined this before the season started: Chelsea demolishes Manchester United 3-1, and the only remotely surprising thing is that Samuel Eto'o—a thousand years old, a chronic misfirer—was the man who knocked in the goals. And yet that's how it is....
Liverpool Fan Unconcerned With Injured Aston Villa Player
Aston Villa striker Gabriel Agbonlahor went tumbling into the stands today and was slow to get up. He could have used some help but he landed right in front of a Liverpool fan who could not possibly care less. Instead, the guy took a picture....
Onlookers Horrified By Giant Testicle
You know things are bad when your coach says of your testicle injury, "I've never seen anything like it."...
Real Madrid Coach Carlo Ancelotti Glimpsed The Edge Of Existence
While this photo was snapped during Real Madrid's 2-0 win over Osasuna to reach the Copa del Rey quarters, the stare of head coach Carlo Ancelotti is that of a man who is elsewhere, possibly someplace Kubrickianly dark and distant. ...
Cristiano Ronaldo Scores Goal Off Goalie's Taint
Cristiano Ronaldo, fresh off of his 2013 Ballon d'Or, scored a goal after the ball bounced between the legs of Osasuna keeper Andres Fernandez and in for a 1-0 lead....