Soccer Page 312 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
SUÁREZ BACK
Liverpool forward Luis Suárez just scored on his Premier League debut against Sunderland after sitting out 10 ten games for biting another grown man. Karma is a fictional construct....
Today Was A Very Bad Day For Premiership Favorites
Holy shit. Holy shit!...
Escalator Speeds Up, Separates Feuding Soccer Hooligans
This is like the "Yakety Sax" shrimp video but with Swedish soccer hooligans instead of a crustacean. Following a match between rivals Malmö FF and Helsingborgs IF that ended in a 3-0 Malmö win, fans of both teams got a little rowdy on their way into the subway. The place also happened to be lousy w...
Free-Kick Shenanigans Are The Shenaniganest
In America, we call this sort of thing "trickeration." You see it chiefly when discombobulated baserunners get tagged out, or when a grade-school quarterback announces to his coach from behind the line of scrimmage that, oops, we've got the wrong ball. ...
What Luis Suárez's Return Means For Liverpool
This afternoon, we'll see Manchester United play Liverpool in the English League Cup. Cool. After all, Liverpool upset United, 1-0, just 24 days ago in the Premier League. Just three days ago, Manchester City styled on the Red Devils in a 4-1 victory, and now people are asking questions of the defen...
De-Pantsing Is Soccer's Most Effective Defensive Strategy
Late in the first half of today's <del>Premier League</del> match between Aston Villa and Tottenham, Villa's Nick Helenius beat his defender and made a dangerous run towards Tottenham's goal. That's when Jan Vertonghen decided that desperate times called for desperate measures, and stopped Helenius...
Man United Fan Marries Into City Family, Trolls Them With Great Toast
This groom is giving what appears to be (and actually might be, in the end) a very heartfelt toast about an important person in his life that is "no longer with us." When he asks his new family—who are apparently all Manchester City supporters—to stand and toast this influential person, he pulls th...
Face-First Dive Is The Worst Soccer Tackle Of The Year
With most unwise challenges, you can usually see what the intent was, and where it all went wrong. With this face-first dive from Argentina over the weekend, your guess is as good as ours....
Sone Aluko's Volley Winner For Hull City Is One Of This Season's Best
Hull City's opened its first campaign in the Premiership since 2010 solidly; they're smack in the middle of the table, and stunning more established sides with spectacular plays. One of those came today as Sone Aluko slammed home a massive volley to steal a win from Newcastle....
El Salvador Bans 14 For Match-Fixing, Including Match Against The U.S.
Seems they have Friday afternoon bad news dumps in El Salvador too! Fourteen players on the national team have been banned for life for their roles in a massive international match-fixing ring....
José Mourinho Says He Isn't Worried About Chelsea. Maybe He Should Be.
Yesterday, Chelsea started their Champions League campaign by losing at home against Swiss champions FC Basel, 2-1. And that's OK....
That Awful Michael Jackson Statue At Fulham's Stadium Will Be Removed
Happily, the eyesore is gone. Unhappily, it will not be vaporized, shoved into the Thames, flash-frozen and shattered by mallets, coated in fox blood and torn apart by famished hounds, shot into the sun, or melted down into a fine paste suitable for insulation....
Jürgen Klopp Is, Uh, Upset
FEEL THE RAGE. After Borussia Dortmund conceded a 29th-minute goal to Napoli's Gonzalo Higuaín, manager Jürgen Klopp took out his anger on the fourth official and was sent off....
German Soccer Club Scores Incredible Goal Seven Seconds Into Match
RB Leipzig deployed some ingenious early game strategy in a match against VfB Stuttgart II this past Saturday. At the start of the match, Leipzig bum rushed six extra players into Stuttgart's side of the field, a brilliant move which resulted in the goal you see above. I don't know who Leipzig's co...
David Moyes Calls For Retroactive Punishment For Divers
Ashley Young is one of the most notorious divers in the Premier League, launching himself with such abandon and frequency that fans have set his antics to the Superman theme. David Moyes is one of the practices's most outspoken critics, having fined his own players for it in the past. So when Moyes ...
Idiot Parachutes Onto Field
During a Saturday match between Conference Premier sides Salisbury City and Chester City, this Idiot parachuted onto the pitch to the applause of dozens of spectators, then calmly gathered up his parachute while players and a referee looked on, seemingly bewildered and mildly annoyed....
Gareth Bale Scores On His Real Madrid Debut
After an excruciating summer, Real Madrid bought the Premier League player of the year Gareth Bale from Tottenham Hotspur for a world-record fee of £85.3 million. Today, Bale made his debut against Villarreal, who surprisingly were kind of thumping Madrid for much of the first half and took a 1-0 le...
No One Has Any Idea What Is Going On In The Premier League
European leagues were on hiatus during the international break for World Cup qualifiers, and so today was the first chance we all got to see the new Premier League since the close of the record-breaking transfer window that saw an ungodly amount of money and men move in, out, and around England. It ...
FIFA Investigating Costa Rica For Various Horseshit Moves
Costa Rica, a safe, verdant, progressive nation filled with a bunch of total assholes, did everything in its power to disrupt the USMNT before and during last week's World Cup qualifier. (Did you know we hate Costa Rica now? We do. Go soccer!) But now FIFA wants to know if things went too far....