Soccer Page 320 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
De-Pantsing Is Soccer's Most Effective Defensive Strategy
Late in the first half of today's <del>Premier League</del> match between Aston Villa and Tottenham, Villa's Nick Helenius beat his defender and made a dangerous run towards Tottenham's goal. That's when Jan Vertonghen decided that desperate times called for desperate measures, and stopped Helenius...
Man United Fan Marries Into City Family, Trolls Them With Great Toast
This groom is giving what appears to be (and actually might be, in the end) a very heartfelt toast about an important person in his life that is "no longer with us." When he asks his new family—who are apparently all Manchester City supporters—to stand and toast this influential person, he pulls th...
Face-First Dive Is The Worst Soccer Tackle Of The Year
With most unwise challenges, you can usually see what the intent was, and where it all went wrong. With this face-first dive from Argentina over the weekend, your guess is as good as ours....
Sone Aluko's Volley Winner For Hull City Is One Of This Season's Best
Hull City's opened its first campaign in the Premiership since 2010 solidly; they're smack in the middle of the table, and stunning more established sides with spectacular plays. One of those came today as Sone Aluko slammed home a massive volley to steal a win from Newcastle....
El Salvador Bans 14 For Match-Fixing, Including Match Against The U.S.
Seems they have Friday afternoon bad news dumps in El Salvador too! Fourteen players on the national team have been banned for life for their roles in a massive international match-fixing ring....
José Mourinho Says He Isn't Worried About Chelsea. Maybe He Should Be.
Yesterday, Chelsea started their Champions League campaign by losing at home against Swiss champions FC Basel, 2-1. And that's OK....
That Awful Michael Jackson Statue At Fulham's Stadium Will Be Removed
Happily, the eyesore is gone. Unhappily, it will not be vaporized, shoved into the Thames, flash-frozen and shattered by mallets, coated in fox blood and torn apart by famished hounds, shot into the sun, or melted down into a fine paste suitable for insulation....
Jürgen Klopp Is, Uh, Upset
FEEL THE RAGE. After Borussia Dortmund conceded a 29th-minute goal to Napoli's Gonzalo Higuaín, manager Jürgen Klopp took out his anger on the fourth official and was sent off....
German Soccer Club Scores Incredible Goal Seven Seconds Into Match
RB Leipzig deployed some ingenious early game strategy in a match against VfB Stuttgart II this past Saturday. At the start of the match, Leipzig bum rushed six extra players into Stuttgart's side of the field, a brilliant move which resulted in the goal you see above. I don't know who Leipzig's co...
David Moyes Calls For Retroactive Punishment For Divers
Ashley Young is one of the most notorious divers in the Premier League, launching himself with such abandon and frequency that fans have set his antics to the Superman theme. David Moyes is one of the practices's most outspoken critics, having fined his own players for it in the past. So when Moyes ...
Idiot Parachutes Onto Field
During a Saturday match between Conference Premier sides Salisbury City and Chester City, this Idiot parachuted onto the pitch to the applause of dozens of spectators, then calmly gathered up his parachute while players and a referee looked on, seemingly bewildered and mildly annoyed....
Gareth Bale Scores On His Real Madrid Debut
After an excruciating summer, Real Madrid bought the Premier League player of the year Gareth Bale from Tottenham Hotspur for a world-record fee of £85.3 million. Today, Bale made his debut against Villarreal, who surprisingly were kind of thumping Madrid for much of the first half and took a 1-0 le...
No One Has Any Idea What Is Going On In The Premier League
European leagues were on hiatus during the international break for World Cup qualifiers, and so today was the first chance we all got to see the new Premier League since the close of the record-breaking transfer window that saw an ungodly amount of money and men move in, out, and around England. It ...
FIFA Investigating Costa Rica For Various Horseshit Moves
Costa Rica, a safe, verdant, progressive nation filled with a bunch of total assholes, did everything in its power to disrupt the USMNT before and during last week's World Cup qualifier. (Did you know we hate Costa Rica now? We do. Go soccer!) But now FIFA wants to know if things went too far....
Is Everything You Know About Soccer Wrong? Ask David Sally
We're joined now by David Sally, co-author with Chris Anderson of The Numbers Game: Why Everything You Know About Soccer Is Wrong. It's an argument for the power of analytics in soccer that's full of surprising conclusions about issues like the value of a goal scored relative to that of one saved, w...
USMNT Moves Up To 13th In Latest FIFA World Rankings
FIFA's September world rankings were released this morning, and we found out that U.S. Soccer, after being ranked 19th just last month, jumped six more spots to 13th in the world. The Americans also were able to hold onto the top spot in CONCACAF. Mexico, second in the federation, fell one spot, and...
How USMNT Reduced A Fiery Mexican Side To Ashes
The United States of America are going to the 2014 World Cup. In the end, it was never in doubt. And in the end, how they booked their ticket to Brazil was perfect, poetic. The Americans clinched at home, in a storied, claustrophobic stadium in front of a raucous, unapologetically and overwhelmingly...
The USMNT Dances, Sings, And Chugs Beer After Victory Over Mexico
After clinching a World Cup berth with a 2-0 victory over Mexico, the USMNT came back out onto the field for some good old-fashioned celebrating, America style....