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![Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/vx39uk0qkpugpvvrxiqy.jpg)
Report: Ted Cruz Planning To Cuck Himself [Updated]
Over the past year, Donald Trump has called Ted Cruz a liar and a wacko, accused his father of helping to assassinate JFK, called his wife ugly, humiliated him at the RNC, and even once referred to Ted himself as “a pussy.” Now, Politico is reporting that Ted Cruz is “expected” to finally endorse Do...
That Idiot On Your Hunting Message Board Might Be Donald Trump Jr.
You’re the eldest son of one of the most reviled men in popular culture. You’re violently well-off, love guns, and have far too much free time on your hands. You, my friend, are Donald J. Trump Jr. And on the internet’s many hunting message boards, you have apparently found your home....
A Night Of Tear Gas And Chaos In Charlotte
Charlotte, N.C. — The fatal shooting of Keith Lamont Scott by a police officer in Charlotte on Tuesday sparked protests that started off peaceful and quickly turned violent. Those protests continued Wednesday night in the middle of a busy intersection in Uptown Charlotte, a night full of tear gas an...
Mario Balotelli Scores Two More Goals, Remains On Fire
Mario Balotelli has always been kind of a headcase. Of late, his nuttiness has unfortunately overshadowed his undeniable abilities. But now, after commemorating his second start with his new club Nice with his second two-goal match, it’s beginning to look like maybe Balo is more crazy good than just...
Stephen Jackson Righteously Owns Don King On CNN
Evil relic Don King introduced ham demon Donald Trump at a campaign event this morning, and in the process, said “nigger” when he meant to say “Negro.” As a rule, you shouldn’t listen to anything Don King has to say, but it’s always worth laughing at him. ...
Richard Sherman Addresses Police Killings Of Black Men At Press Conference, Then Walks Out<em></em>
Seattle Seahawks cornerback Richard Sherman did not answer questions about his team’s upcoming game against the San Francisco 49ers during a press conference today. Instead, he spoke about the recent deaths of Keith Lamont Scott and Terence Cutcher, two black men who were shot to death by police thi...
Don King Says "Nigger" While Introducing Donald Trump
Donald Trump, a big scarecrow made of uncooked bratwursts, is still trying to court black voters. To that end, he had undead boxing promoter Don King introduce him to an audience gathered at a church in Cleveland, Ohio this morning....
Rich Fuck Who Funded Ads Calling Trump Misogynist Decides To Back Trump Because The Rich Are Bad People
Joe Ricketts is the billionaire founder of TD Ameritrade and owner of the Chicago Cubs. He spent millions running ads denigrating Donald Trump. Now he’s backing Donald Trump. Joe Ricketts is a bad person who should be castigated and disrespected by civil society....
Tiffany Trump's Secret Service Detail, Like Her Father's Attention, Absent
As of today, Ivanka Trump has officially become the first Trump scion to receive her very own Secret Service detail. While Trump’s elder sons are more than equipped to hunt their own assassins, one Trump child remains notably protection-less. I am, of course, talking about none other than aspiring s...
North Carolina Governor Planted Questions From Fake Reporters To Avoid Answering Ones About Anti-LGBT Law
The Charlotte Observer reports that North Carolina governor Pat McCrory’s campaign planted three fake “press” questions at a recent event to keep that newspaper from inquiring about the millions of dollars of revenue lost by the state after its passage of the anti-LGBT House Bill 2....
Donald Trump Is Mad Online
Other than the odd Colin Powell jab or his performative bashing of Mika Brzezinski several weeks ago, Donald Trump has been astonishingly tame this month. But now, it looks like the whirlwind of the past few days has finally taken its toll. My friends—our big angry boy is back....
Edinson Cavani Scores 4 Goals In First Half, Somehow Still Looks Kinda Bad
Finally, the Soccer Gods have seen fit to smile upon poor old Edinson Cavani. For the Uruguayan striker’s brave and unrelenting tilt at the enormous metaphorical windmill that has been tormenting him—gusting his first touches four yards further than required, blowing wide shots that should be gimme ...
Blind Brazilian Soccer Man Scores A Couple Bangers In The Paralympics
Meet Jefinho, the blind soccer five-a-side player who’s been called the “Paralympic Pelé.” In the semifinals of a Paralympics against China, Jefinho demonstrated how he earned such a lofty moniker by dusting the entire Chinese defense before cracking in a shot from distance—twice....
Donald Trump's Birther PR Stunt Beset By Chaos, Stage Collapse
Earlier today, Donald Trump promised the world a “major announcement” at his brand new, beautiful, luxurious Trump International Hotel in Washington, D.C. That announcement? A lie about Hillary starting the birther movement and a confirmation that the American president was, in fact, born in America...
There's <i>My Little Pony </i>Porn Hiding In iOS 10
Did you update your phone to iOS 10 recently? I sure hope not—it’s a goddamn nightmare. But for those of you that didn’t heed my warning, should you decide to search the default (default!) GIF library for the word “butt,” you’ll find a sultry My Little Pony doing what no My Little Pony should ever d...
Deadspin 25: Can Washington Be The Breakout Team Everyone Wants Them To Be?
Welcome to the Deadspin 25, a college football poll that strives to be more democratic and less useless than every other preseason poll. Leading up to the college football season kickoff, we will give you previews of the 25 teams that you, the readers, voted to be most worthy of writing about. Now, ...
This Woman Actually Got Donald Trump To Shut The Fuck Up
Donald Trump is in Flint, Mich. today to broadcast that he is at least aware of the city’s ongoing clean water crisis—many, many months after it became a full-fledged disaster. Trump’s hastily arranged stopover has already been condemned by Flint’s mayor and its residents, and this afternoon he got ...
Don't Update Your Fucking iPhone!
Yesterday, Apple released its latest major software update with iOS 10. As far as I can tell, the iteration exists only to cut my battery life in half, make my Messages app unusable, and trick me into downloading hundreds of cartoon Biebers and one George R. R. Martin. Reader, don’t be like me. Don’...
Russian Hackers Get Into WADA Data, Find Nothing Incriminating<em></em>
Perhaps feeling a little bent out of shape about how much shit their country caught for running a massive, Cold War-style doping program for Olympic athletes, a group of Russian hackers have obtained confidential documents that they claim prove American Olympians are also big fat cheaters. The only ...
Mario Balotelli Is Back, Baby!
The shirt colors look familiar but the team is different, and so are the country and the pressure and the expectations, and maybe even the player, too. Mario Balotelli is back on the soccer field for the first time in a long time, and he’s doing good things for the first time in even longer....