ac Page 1138 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
YOUR HORSE-BANGERS CUP RECAP: Muhannek starts off the day by getting a win in the Marathon, Europe's first win in the Breeders Cup; Desert Code takes the Turf Sprint despite some longshot 30-1 odds; Albertus Maximus fed his foes to the lions in the Dirt Mile; Fiily Goldikova takes the Mile crown awa...
Ashley Todd Is Your New Mike Cooper
This is Ashley Todd. Ashley recently made some news when she was was mugged near at ATM by "a dark-skinned black man" who, after finding out she supported John McCain, carved a "B" on her face for some kind of pro-Obama viral ad campaign. However, the cops got kind of suspicious when they saw the B...
Everybody Talks to Barack Obama Except Bill Simmons
Remember last spring when America's Sports Fella, Bill Simmons, staged a passive-aggressive mutiny on his employer over "promises not kept" stemming from when Sen. Barack Obama was dropped from his podcast? Maybe you do. So, those of you who do remember that were probably thinking to yourselves, "He...
Joba Chamberlain Will Not Tolerate Any Strip Club Heckling
I have no idea how Alex Rodriguez is not involved in this story, but here goes. Remember how Joba Chamberlain was nailed for DUI at 1 a.m. on Sunday in his hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska? Here are the inspiring details of that evening, which ended with our portly hero being pulled over for speeding i...
30 Previews In 30 Days: The Oklahoma City Thunder
NBA training camps have begun; the season is rapidly approaching. Can you dig it? I knew that you could. And so we continue our previews: 30 of them in 30 days. Up next is a team that isn't even supposed to be here today! They are: The Oklahoma City Thunder. When last we saw them: Finished 20-62, fi...
College Football Roundup: Mommas Don't Bring Your Babies to Neyland
Just a tip, don’t ever try and take a baby into Neyland Stadium. No matter how old the kid (ours is less than nine months old and was sleeping in a baby bjorn on his mom’s chest). Babies have to have tickets to Neyland too. I have no idea why the University of Tennessee would have this policy. Espe...
Favre-Packers Divorce Is Getting Downright Messy
So do you have a problem that you would like Brett Favre to solve? Girlfriend trouble? Confused about which laundry detergent to buy? Hang by your phone, and Brett will be with you momentarily. But first he has to solve the problems of the NFL, like advising Tony Romo on whether or not he should pla...
His Ad? An Actual Attack
Matt Lindland is a former Olympic silver medalist in wrestling and a current MMA fighter for Affliction. Oh, and he's also running as a Republican for a seat in the Oregon State House. His Democratic opponent in Oregon's District 52 is Suzanne VanOrman. The Fightin' 52nd, you say? Not if Suzanne has...
Joba Chamberlain's Offseason Didn't Start Off on a High Note
You know the old saying: nothing good ever happens at 1 a.m. in Nebraska. Well, Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain found out the hard way last night, as his evening ended with him in handcuffs. ...
Scoop Jackson Would Like To Get Real With You For A Minute
Buried at the bottom of Page 2 today is a clarification from columnist Scoop Jackson, who caused a veritable shitstorm thanks to his B.J. Upton column, when he haphazardly implied that Upton's laziness was a reason for young African-Americans to look up to him. Not really what he meant, of course, b...
Okay, That Was Kind of Insane: 8-7, Red Sox.
Well, the Tampa Bay Rays will have to wait until Saturday to clinch their first American League title because the goddamn Red Sox just pulled off the most remarkable comeback I've ever seen. For those of you who stopped watching after the Rays went up 7-0 while Kazmir was cruising, well, you missed ...
Scoop Jackson's Column Continues to Offend; Jason Whitlock Demands Swift Editorial Execution
Scoop Jackson has once again sparked the ire of, oh, lots of people with this latest ESPN2 column about the Tampa Bay Rays’ B.J. Upton. In it, Jackson praises Upton as the one MLB player who can “bring the game back to the hood” while using some undermining and preposterous logic to substantiate his...
A Commenting Change Is Gonna Come
To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week. Mr. Iracane, co-proprietor of the brilliant Walkoff Walk , is also the guy who approves comments ...
Economic Meltdown Provides Small Silver Lining Seattle Sonics Fans
In these troubled times that we live in, people need to focus on the little things that help get them through their day. The laughter of a child, the good health of loved ones, and the delicious schadenfreude of watching greedy corporate bastards lose a billion dollars or so right after stealing you...
Goodbye, Big Brown; You're In A Better Place Now ... Jersey
As we told you earlier, tragedy befell Aqueduct racetrack early this morning when Kentucky Derby and Preakness winner Big Brown injured his right front hoof during a workout. He was immediately retired. And as you may have guessed, it didn't take long for horse fans to burst forth with their emotion...
Sometimes You Eat The Ghost, And Sometimes The Ghost Eats You
You Pacman Jones fans might want to savor today's game against the Cardinals: it might be awhile before you see him suited up for awhile. According to super-secret Yahoo(!) sources, Commissioner Roger Goodell is going to sit down with Pacman either Monday or Tuesday and deliver his swift, yet always...
Two Aces Prove Their Worth
• Rays 9, Red Sox 8 With the two teams' respective aces taking the mound, you just knew it was going to be a swift affair - barely enough time to finish a six-pack - that would be decided by whichever team blinked first and allowed the one and only run to cross the plate. Just kidding. The game las...
30 Previews In 30 Days: The Indiana Pacers
NBA training camps have begun; the season is rapidly approaching. Can you dig it? I knew that you could. And so we continue our previews: 30 of them in 30 days. Up next is a team that, unfortunately for them, is still based in Indiana: The Indiana Pacers.When last we saw them: Finished 36-46, third ...
Zen Driving Taken To The Extreme
When you see a headline like "Belgium Man Breaks Blind Speed World Record" you can't just simply ignore it and go about your business like nothing happened. The Belgium in question, a Mr. Luc Costermans, topped out at 308.78 km/h - or 192 mph in American - while driving his Lamborghini Gallardo at ...
Jesse Palmer's First Reviews Are In, And They're Not Good
There are so many reasons to dislike Jesse Palmer. Being a contestant on The Bachelor. Being Canadian. Being so ... handsome? And the worst part about him is that he just won't leave us alone, popping up in the darnedest of places. Like our dreams. Or, more universally, invading our aural space duri...