The Saddest Rachel Uchitel Interview In History

Rachel Uchitel, known internationally as "Tiger Woods Mistress #1," is gearing up for a new career as a correspondent for Extra. She gave a bland interview to Mario Lopez, yet spurned my own half-assed attempt at snagging one. On Facebook.

The "interview," cut-and-pasted below, offers a brilliant tableau of new media journalism, where reaching out through social networking sites has replaced cold-calling. Plus it also reveals that Uchitel has no idea what Deadspin is, nor cares to, because she's trying to climb out from this rubble of gossip to find some normalcy or, at the very least, a large payday for her new-found infamy.

She will certainly not give any revealing answer to the creepy moustached man sitting on the toilet.

Maybe I would have had better luck if I contacted her on Twitter? We all can't be former "Saved By The Bell" cast members.