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Deadspin Up All Night: There Goes The Fear
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Later....

Let's Try Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creations, A Dessert-Flavored Dessert
Remember ice cream? Oh man, ice cream. There are so many wonderful things to remember about ice cream, but first and foremost—more than the carnival of flavors and colors; the various zany, luxurious toppings and swirls; the fun presentations (Sundae! Banana split! Ice cream cone! Ice cream cak...

Deadspin Up All Night: List Of Demands
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Be good, nerds. ...

How To Get Your Kid's Marker Stains Out Of The Goddamn Couch
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....

Please Stop Glorifying Crummy Dive Bars
I live in Massachusetts, which is a proud but anxious state with liberal policies regarding who can get married or call his roast beef famous and very conservative rules concerning most other types of personal behavior. For example, it's a lot harder than you'd think to get a drink around here....

This Was Just The Saddest Burger King Burglary
Philadelphia police are seeking information on the two men in this video, who allegedly broke into a Burger King last month. They should be considered drunk and extremely incompetent....

We're The Staff Of Deadspin. Any Questions For Us?
We're down in the discussion. Let's share our feelings....

Deadspin Up All Night: Dangerous
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. We'll probably be better tomorrow. ...

Confessions Of A Nail-Biter
My mom suspended her college education in order to have kids, and so I was five years old when she finally received her bachelor's degree. We drove down to her school for a tasteful graduation luncheon. I remember they had free soda. At some point, while my mom was mingling with her classmates, I...

Terrible Paper Delivery Guy Caught In The Act
Reader John emailed us some video he shot of his parents' paper delivery guy in action and he is just the worst at delivering the paper. He is so bad that John trailed and filmed him for three minutes just to prove it. ...

Deadspin Up All Night: Just Run 'Em Baby
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. More shenanigans tomorrow. ...

Would You Rather Have A Celebrity Autograph Or A Celebrity Selfie?
I was at an intersection on a six lane road the other day and I had to make a left. So in the opposite lane nearest to me, a Good Samaritan stopped to let me turn. The problem was that she was basically asking me to commit suicide, because motorists in the next two lanes over gave the zeroest of f...

Deadspin Up All Night: 'Cause I Don't Need A Friend
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The Dadspin Guide To The American Snow Day
It's snowing. Again. I live in an area where the arrival of half a snowflake results in the absolute cessation of all business and public transport and hospital respirators, so school is closed. For the 90th fucking time. At this rate, my children will learn to read sometime around 2085....

Angry Dad Is Very Upset About How Local Swim Team Is Being Run
Everyone knows that hockey dads and football dads and lacrosse dads are crazy, but did you know that swimming dads can be just as nuts? They can! A tipster just forwarded us the following email, which was sent by one angry parent to the other members of his kid's swim team board (names have been red...

Pregnant Ladies Duel In Bonkers <i>Price Is Right</i> Showcase Showdown
It was Baby Shower day on The Price Is Right and the audience was full of expectant mothers. So, two pregnant ladies facing off on the Showcase Showdown is actually the only thing that's not out of the ordinary here. ...

Fake Chef Fools Midwest Morning Shows, Makes Reporters Eat Gross Food
Over the holidays, Keith Guerke appeared on five morning shows in Wisconsin and Illinois to promote his new cookbook and prepare some meals made from leftovers. One little problem: Chef Keith doesn't know how to cook....

Deadspin Up All Night: Sound Bang
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Sports....

How To Cook Sea Scallops Without Ruining Them: The Case Against Bacon
Step one is hiring a sinister shifty-eyed fellow with a pencil mustache to remove the bacon from your refrigerator and hide it somewhere in your home where you cannot find it. OK, so he does not have to have a pencil mustache. But it will be awesomer if he does....

Deadspin Up All Night: It's Time To Go
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Eat a high-fiber breakfast and come back for the weekend crew....