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Presenting A Chris Mullin Career Retrospective With Violins And Real Talk
Your morning roundup for Aug. 13, a day that can strengthen you personally, professionally, physically and spiritually. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Funny People (And Chris Farley)
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. This week we're chipping in with our favorite long-form writing about comedians....

Comedians: Cockblocked By Michael Vick!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Comedy Week curator Luke Cunningham got these four bonus stories from working comedians, so enjoy. Off we go....

The Hidden Message Of That Andover Rap Video
The Andover rap video that made the rounds this week is tacky and annoying, yeah, but to those of us who went to the school, there's more to it than the saccharine entitlement on the surface. When my class graduated from Andover two years ago, we marveled and fretted about the place: The kids are ...

Cockblocked By Your Own Underwear!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Dennis Rodman's Gym Class Would Like Him To Hurry Up And Finish At The Hall Of Fame
Your morning roundup for Aug. 12, the day after a 15-year-old app developer would have been better off leaving well enough alone. Photo via AP. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

The Lady Whose Face Got Mauled By A Chimp Does Not Look Like A Lady Whose Face Got Mauled By A Chimp Anymore
The first post-face-transplant photograph of Charla Nash was released today. Nash is the woman who got "mauled by an out-of-control chimpanzee" named Travis, who was in a bunch of commercials and lived with a widow in Connecticut....

Let's Watch Cowboys In Police Cars Try To Lasso An Escaped Bull
"We've had wildlife in the city before, but I don't remember a bull being downtown and you're right ... we were concerned for the bull and for citizens' safety." — Mike Hirman, Auburn (WA) Police Department [WJBF]...

Yep, An "Olympics Ambassador" Is Now A "Riot Suspect"
Well, this one kind of wrote itself for the Daily Star in London:...

Here's Video Of A Brawl On The Wildwood Boardwalk (NSFW)
It's not every day that you see a brawl on the Wildwood Boardwalk, which is located near the southern tip of the Jersey shore. That only happens on the days you go to the Wildwood Boardwalk....

Be Cool Or Elmo Might Have To Stab Somebody
Last night, in Nassau Bay, Texas, a suburb of Houston, Joshua Knight made one very bad decision. He wore this Elmo shirt. The other bad decision, involving his stabbing a man who tried to break up a fight between Knight and a woman, is totally alleged....

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: Jessica Kirson
Who? Jessica Kirson started in New York. She's big but never uses it to self-pity or incur sympathy. She uses it to destroy. The hardest comics to follow on a show are the ones that change the rhythm of a room. A one-liner comic throws off the pattern for the comedians that follow because the audi...

Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball, Does Not Drop Baby
It's that time of year again, when dads somehow simultaneously shirk and embrace parental responsibility by catching foul balls with babes in arms. Last night in Chicago, a Cubs fan managed to juggle his infant to his left arm and grab a foul ball with his right....

<em>Jersey Shore</em> Finally Finds Its Voice: Joe Buck
Your morning roundup for Aug. 11, the day it wasn't a good idea to let a six-year-old drive the car. Photo via @danpbell. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

D.A.R.E. Cop Busted For DUI, Blames His Dog
Here's to you, Officer John Newcomb of Seymour, Ind. You knew you it'd be difficult talking your way out of (allegedly) sideswiping a parked car and hitting a tree with the department's Drug Abuse Resistance Education trailer hitched to your pickup. So, you told police you were "distracted by [your...

Get To Know A Comic You Probably Don't Know: David Walton
Who? The entertainment industry makes no sense. It is capricious mix of talent, looks and most importantly, luck. Here is an example. There were two excellent comic actors in my college senior class. Both were charismatic, hard-working and good-looking dudes. They arranged a performance of Mamet's G...

I Never Want To Work On A Goddamn TV Show Again: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, Drew Magary and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show With Norm Macdonald. You've read his highlights. Now here are mine....

Showbiz Crack Whores: A Week In LA With Norm Macdonald
Last November, A.J. Daulerio and I traveled to Los Angeles to spend a week working on the pilot for what would become the now-canceled Sports Show with Norm MacDonald. Here now are some quick highlights from that trip....

OK, Who Stole A.J. Burnett's Tricycle?
Your morning roundup for Aug. 10, the day we realized we should probably change our password. Photo via Yahoo!/Getty Images. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Calgary's List Of Most Wanted Fugitives Includes Mr. Dakota Neil Weasel Head
This man is on the loose for failure to comply. This man, according to the Vancouver Sun, is Dakota Neil Weasel Head. He's made Calgary Crime Stoppers' list of the city's top 13 fugitives. (No word on whether Jay Feaster made the list, too)....