Dunking, Autofellating Otter At Oregon Zoo Dies At 20
Eddie, a sea otter at the Oregon Zoo, died this morning, as reported by the Oregonian. He was 20, a remarkably old age…
Napoleon The Racing Corgi Crushes All Challengers, Is A Very Good Boy
Here is a true thing: Even the fastest corgi still looks like an absurd tubelike dog-snake hybrid. The Seattle Seahawks…
The Central Park Mandarin Duck Went Missing. I Tried To Find It.
NEW YORK — I can’t even get the binoculars to work.
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Little Cat Launching A Sneak Attack
Kittens are cute. So cute, in fact, that it can seem unimaginable they would be capable of hatching diabolical plots…
Udonis Haslem Sues Animal Hospital For Denying Him His Rightful Dog Semen
Longtime Miami Heat big man Udonis Haslem—present tense, as Haslem is still on the active roster despite averaging less…
Horse Walks Into Bar, Fucks It Up
There you are, enjoying a nice beverage at a sports betting bar in France, when—bam, there’s a horse in the damn…
Seal Slaps The Bejesus Out Of Kayaker With Live Octopus
There you are, in your boat, kayaking, in the water, in New Zealand or whatever. Here it comes, a seal! Or is it a sea…
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Very Determined Rat At Wrigley Field
Wrigley Rat made his late-season case for NL MVP in Wednesday night’s game. Photographer Will Byington was filming as…
Browns Fan Saves Possum From Having To Watch The Rest Of Thursday Night Football
A poor, foolish possum somehow made its way into the stands at Thursday night’s Jets-Browns game, in Cleveland. Maybe…
The Darkest Form Of Basketball Is This Dead Whale Clanging Off A Dumpster
The wonderful state of New Hampshire—full disclosure: I grew up in New Hampshire—has made national news this week, as…
Disease-Carrying Vermin Still A Little Too On-The-Nose As Coincidental Mets-Adjacent Phenomenon
The Red Sox, healthy, secure, surging toward the best season in franchise history, played with the toy skeleton of a…
Philadelphia Union Introduce New Mascot, A Snake With Arms And Legs, Which Are Like The Most Important Things A Snake Doesn't Have
In their ninth MLS season, the Philadelphia Union finally (finally) have a mascot. It seems like mere days ago he was a…
Wily Fox Steals Golf Ball Right Off The Green
Golfers are used to having to contend with environmental hazards, from violent winds, to prehistoric swamp monsters, to …
New Madrid Keeper Thibaut Courtois Apologizes For Singing Song About Real Madrid Fans Fucking Kangaroos
Before he was the regular goalkeeper at Chelsea, Thibaut Courtois was the number one at Atletico Madrid when they burst…
Yeah, That's A Goddamn Moth In An Umpire's Ear
Gahhhhh. This is an awful thing that should never happen—with any living creature, not just a dusty flying bug—but…
Let The Escaped Animals Just Be Wild Animals
The law should be: Once an escaped non-pet animal has been on the loose long enough for the local news to show up and…
Goats On The Lam
This morning, residents in Boise, Idaho, woke up to approximately 75 marauding goats roaming from house to house,…
Kidnapped Shark Found Safe; Thief Confesses To Stealing Her To Replace His Old Shark
We have a very happy update for you in the case of Helen, the horn shark who was the subject of a daring stroller heist…
Cops: Trio Stole Shark By Swaddling It Like A Baby, Pushing It Out In A Stroller
If you saw a baby being pushed in a stroller near the San Antonio aquarium on Saturday afternoon, guess what, it might…