art Page 280 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Artie Lange Stabbed Himself Nine Times. Jesus.
Lange's mother found him Saturday at his Hoboken apartment. He had six hesitation wounds, according to the New York Post, and three "deep plunges." Doctors managed to save him despite heavy bleeding. [NYP]...
Wilt Chamberlain's Legendary Bedroom Body Count Bested By Fidel Castro
Yes. Fidel Castro has, according to whatever silly math a Cuban official named "Ramon" used, bedded approximately 35,000 women making Wilt look downright provincial. [The Daily Beast]...
Last Night's Winner: Tyreke Evans' Shorts
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Sacramento Kings, who showed up two-and-a-half quarters late (like the fans at a Miami Heat game) and still managed to pull out a win....
When Mortal Kombat Meets Wall Street
The Shaolin Temple, birthplace of popularly known kung fu, is preparing an IPO. Shares pay dividends every time a little guy beats up five bikers in a bar. [Daily Telegraph]...
Arm Wrestling — To The Max!!!
As the runaway success of Chess boxing proved, any sport can be improved by adding ass-kicking to the mix. Imagine arm wrestling, where the rest of your body is free to wail on your opponent. America's got a new pastime....
Rough Season For The Flyers Naturally Leads To Cuckolding Rumors
A season that many thought would be a promising turning point for the Philadelphia Flyers has devolved into a chaotic nightmare of failed playoff dreams. So obviously someone must be banging a teammate's wife, right?...
Tiger Played The Senior Tour, Too
Your evening Tiger Woods roundup: Everyone meet Theresa Rogers, paramour No. 14, who at 40-something years old represented a bit of an uphill lie for young Tiger....
Your Voting Is Bad And You Should Feel Bad
The early All-Star balloting numbers are in, and it looks like another year of the usual suspects: Kobe, LeBron, D-Wade, T-Mac...*record scratch*...
Nerds, Fictional Characters Now Eligible For Heisman
A dude from Standford and someone who plays a made up position called "defensive tackle" are included alongside real football players as Heisman Trophy finalists. Sounds like a classic college prank....worthy of the Hasty Pudding gang! [SJ Mercury News]...
2009 SHOTY Nominee: Artie Lange
Sometimes, SHOTY nominees are so honored because of sustained excellence. Other times, like in this example, it's just one amazing, transcendent moment. That moment can be enough....
Ivy League Squash Is Serious Business
Harvard's big squash match at Dartmouth was livened up by some rowdy Big Green fans, and now Crimson supporters are crying homophobia and antisemitism. But wait until you read about what must be the most innocuous Jewish stereotype ever....
Ron Artest And Alcohol At Halftime: Mix Accordingly
He tells the Sporting News: "I used to drink Hennessy … at halftime. I (kept it) in my locker. I'd just walk to the liquor store (near the stadium) and get it." [Sporting News]...
Michigan State's Teamwork Shines In Dorm Brawl
The Spartans have suspended eight more players (including three starters) for their role in the a dorm donnybrook last month. That's not counting the two that have already been kicked off the team. They're really starting to gel! [StateNews, Freep]...
In Amazing Coincidence, Two Michigan State Players Kicked Off Team
Junior Roderick Jenrette and sophomore Glenn Winston were dismissed from Michigan State's football team two days after unidentified football players were accused of beating up frat boys in a residence hall. Gee, you think it might be the same guys?...
Spartans Get Early Jump On Off-Season Distractions
Several Michigan State football players may have participated in a ski-mask wearing, face-punching group attack on a campus residence hall. I only have one question: Does this count against involuntary practice limits? [The State News]...
Lacrosse Players Accused Of Terrible Things, Media Braces For Impact
Three Sacred Heart University lacrosse players have been charged with "conspiracy to commit sexual assault" on a female student in their dorm. Less surprising is that coverage of this story is already turning into a potential quagmire of hyperbolic accusations....
The Seedy Underbelly Of Sports Fan Art
There's a popular game going around the Internet, in which you search your favorite team on DeviantArt, the premier fan-created art site. Some results are pathetic, some are decent, but most are sanity-threatening. Let's go through the looking glass....
The Derek-Jeter-Hits-The-Beach-With-A-Starlet Photos Will Make You Miserable
Our Captain is off on his annual off-season jaunt to a humid location with a young, bikini-clad actress-person whom he will most likely never settle down with and, unfortunately for him, there was a slimy photog in the palm tree....
It's Too Bad The Title 'Psycho' Was Already Taken
So, Ron Artest is making a movie about his life. That's...um, interesting....
Please Don't Mention Eggs To Mike McCarthy. Ever.
The Packers fired a 22-year Lambeau Field employee because coach Mike McCarthy thought he heard the guy tell him, "Don't lay an egg." That sounds about right. I wonder if the Metrodome is hiring? [Milwaukee Journal Sentinel]...