canada Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Boorish Canadians Make Our Favorite Curler Cry
The host nation's medal count is always higher than normal for a reason: the screaming crowds that psych up the natives, and psych out the visitors. But now they've gone too far; they've made Maddy cry....
UK/Canada Spat Uncharacteristically Crude, Penis-Related
The English papers have been taking shots at Canada's running of the games. One Canadian columnist fires back with accusations of premature ejaculation. Yep. We've reached that point....
Rick Reilly® Escalates Personal War With Canada
The Rickster apologies for his lame anti-Canuck jokes by crafting even more lame anti-Canuck jokes and sneaking in a brag about the vindaloo-like qualities of his smoking hot wife. Wait until he hears about the electric Zambonis. [ESPN]...
Canada Limited Luger's Training Time In Olympic Runup
We are reminded that Whistler Sliding Centre was among the venues that Canada refused to let other nations' athletes practice on before February, in an attempt to gain a home-country advantage. [NY Times]...
Robbie Alomar's Canadian Consolation
Forget Cooperstown; Alomar's heading to the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame! To give you a sense of its prestige, his co-inductee will be Paul Quantrill. [Globe And Mail]...
Also Not A Fan Of Socialized Medicine: Brock Lesnar
The UFC Champ just got over a nasty case of diverticulitis, no thanks to Canada. In a move sure to upset half our nation and all of theirs, Lesnar trashed universal health care and called Canada "a Third World country."...
Terrorists Hope To Win Olympic Gold ... For Your Murder
This is an actual headline on ABCNews.com right now: ""Headed to Olympics? Beware of Terror Attacks." So enjoy the bobsled everyone ... because it will be your last!...
Hedo Turkoglu Demands His Privacy When He's 'Trying To Chill'
The Raptors forward finds himself in an absurd public spat with a young Canadian woman who unintentionally snapped a photo of him at a club last week. Yes, that blurry, non-descript photo you're gazing at....
Hoaxish Tiger Woods Story Finally Crosses The 49th Parallel
"After dinner, Tiger Woods watched football in the living room while sending text messages to Rachel, the famous blond [sic]," according to — oh, man, this is almost too adorable — a former NHL coach....
Meet The Hockey Team That Better Damn Well Win Gold In Vancouver
Canada has selected its very, very, very important Olympic hockey team. No pressure, guys. Just because it's on home ice that doesn't mean they won't find a way to deport you if you only win bronze. [Image via TSN]...
Blame Canada, Says The <em>Times</em>
The strong Canadian dollar is buoying Canadian NHL teams at the expense of American ones, while the Bills' "home game" in Toronto is decimating Buffalo businesses. It's time we use rendition to get Chris Bosh. [NY Times / NY Times]...
No, Vancouver Is The Other Way!
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
Olympic Pothead Is Now High On Civil Service
Ross Rebagliati—everyone's favorite dope smoking Olympic snowboarder—is running for a seat in Canada's parliament. You see, in Canada, election districts are called "ridings" and he probably just got confused because he was so freakin' high. [CTV/Victoria Times]...
Canada Blaming Canada For Shaming Canada
Our usually easygoing neighbors to the north are up in arms about Canada's junior hockey team suiting up in green jerseys. I'd make a joke about this move being made for the green, if Canada didn't use crazy monopoly money....
Microwaving Poop Lands Canadian Football Players In Deep Doo-Doo
If there's one thing my grandfather told me that I have always held on to was when he said, "Don't put shit inside something you use to heat food that you intend to eat." But Gramps always got sayings wrong....
Ryan Leaf Used To Be Carried In The Arms Of Cheerleaders. Part 87
New blue blood/great white hope, Ryan Leaf has finally kicked his silly vicodin addiction and is busy starting his life over (again) in "environmentally soothing" Vancouver, B.C. He says he's finally found the cause of his personal problems — football....
Canada Bogarting Its 2010 Olympic Venues
Canada—a country known planet-wide for its legendary rudeness and treachery—is denying foreign athletes access to Olympics sites in the run-up to the Vancouver Games, in order to protect their precious home-snow advantage. Oh....it is on, hosers....
Alex Rodriguez Loves His Mounties
A-Rod got a little up close and personal with the Toronto police department last night and, as is his wont, he got a little handsy. Come on, Kate Hudson. Can't you control your man?...
Adam Jones Heads To Great White North
The Pack-Man, as I will always know him, signed a one-year deal with the Winnipeg Blue Bombers of the CFL. I wonder if NAFTA covers importation of strip club labor. [Canadian Press]...
What The Buckeyes Learned In Canada
There must be a reasonable explanation for this photo, besides the obvious scenario of a Michigan SID spying on Thad Matta's squad and hacking into Ohio State's official athletics Web site. On second thought......