champions-league Page 23 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Arsenal's Champions League Comeback Fantasy Ruined By Penalty And Red Card
Welp, it was fun while it lasted. Despite putting together a lively first-half display, the last vestiges of what little hope Arsenal had of beating Bayern Munich by a huge margin died in this sequence of events early in the second half:...
Man, Cristiano Ronaldo Really Blew This One
Okay, okay, this isn’t quite a gimme goal here that Cristiano Ronaldo just missed. The angle was tough, and he had a lot to focus on with the keeper and defender right on top of him. Still, it was an open net, it would’ve been a hugely important goal in this second leg of Real Madrid’s Champions Lea...
Once Again, Atlético Madrid Are All In On Winning The Champions League
Since Diego Simeone took over Atlético Madrid half a decade ago, Madrid’s other club has morphed into a juggernaut of sorts. La Liga has always been a comically imbalanced league, but Atleti spoiled Barcelona and Real Madrid’s party in 2013-14 and became the first “other” team to win the league in a...
Manchester City Beat Monaco 5-3 After Barnstorming Comeback And Now I Need A Cigarette
If you were unaware of the simple, indisputable fact that soccer is the best sport, and you had something else to do in the middle of the afternoon than sit in front of a screen and watch the Champions League today, then I would recommend you track down a replay of the Manchester City-Monaco match t...
Atlético Madrid's Saúl Scores A Banger Against Bayer Leverkusen
Saúl must have something against German teams. A year after ripping apart Bayern Munich with the run of his life, the Atlético midfielder thumped in a beautiful curler against Bayer Leverkusen today:...
Alexis Sánchez Does Two Bad Things, Saves Self By Doing Good Thing
Arsenal’s Alexis Sánchez had a chance to level up the game against Bayern Munich with a penalty. He took a bad one, and it was saved. Oops! Thankfully, the ball bounced kindly into his path for an easy rebound. Only he botched that with a whiffed shot. Oops again! The soccer gods smiled on Alexis, t...
Arjen Robben Teaches Arsenal Why You Can't Let Him Cut In On His Left Foot
Yes, everyone knows it’s coming. And everyone also knows that the whole point is that even though everyone knows it’s coming, it’s still impossible to stop. And yet it remains hard to watch a team allow Arjen Robben to get onto his left foot and do what he always does, as he’s just done to Arsenal:...
Ángel Di María And PSG Kick Barcelona's Dicks Clean Off
For years Paris Saint-Germain have spared no expense in their efforts to realize their dream of winning the Champions League. For years they’ve failed, putting out attack-minded teams that crush domestic foes in Ligue 1 but consistently come up short in the competition they really want to win. And w...
Here's The Champions League Round Of 16 Draw
Now that we’ve gotten past a pretty boring group stage, we can start looking forward to the real excitement in the Champions League with the start of the knockout rounds. As you can see, there are lots of intriguing matchups....
Keeper Gives Up Four Goals In The First Half, Starts Openly Crying
Sometimes soccer can be such a mean game that you can’t help but just sit there and cry. After seeing his team’s chances of making out of the Champions League group stage die in the form of one red card and four shots hitting the back of his net in the first half, Beşiktaş keeper Fabricio couldn’t h...
Borussia Dortmund And Legia Warsaw Combined To Score A Zillion Goals Today
Legia Warsaw played Borussia Dortmund in a Champions League match today. Each team scored multiple times. Here is one of the goals scored in the game today:...
Cristiano Ronaldo Played Like Shit Yesterday
The most shocking scoreline of yesterday’s round of Champions League matches was definitely the 3-3 draw between reigning European champions Real Madrid and Polish giants (but European minnows) Legia Warsaw. How could a team of Gareth Bale, Karim Benzema, and—above all—Cristiano Ronaldo fail to beat...
The Champions League Was Lousy With Great Goals Today
The Champions League is the best collection of great teams and players that there is in the sport. Sometimes, all those great teams and players conspire to do a bunch of great things all on the same day. Today was one of those glorious days....
If Mesut Özil Keeps Scoring Like This, The World Better Watch Out
In Arsenal’s blowout win against Ludogorets yesterday, Mesut Özil scored three goals in the second half. I repeat: Mesut “I Live To Pass And I Never, Ever Shoot So Don’t Ask Me To” Özil scored a hat trick yesterday in the Champions League, increasing his season tally to six goals in 10 games. This i...
Lionel Messi Must Really Hate Pep Guardiola And England
If there have been two criticisms that have followed Lionel Messi around though his career like yappy little dogs nipping at his ankles—too insignificant to be an actual threat, and just persistent enough to register as a minor annoyance—they have been these: First, he had the good fortune of playin...
Arsenal Are Out Here Just Embarrassing These Jamokes
This is the happy time in every Arsenal season. Everyone is healthy, their world-class players are playing up to their reputations, their really good players are playing out of their minds, and their title dreams still seem eminently, thrillingly tangible. In today’s Champions League match against L...
UEFA Fines Celtic Over Fans Flying The Palestinian Flag
A large group of Celtic fans waved Palestinian flags before a Champions League preliminary game against Israeli club Hapoel Be’er Shevae last month. This morning, UEFA announced that they would be fining the club €10,000 for the protest because it violated a UEFA rule regarding the use of political ...
Fernando Torres Does A Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres must’ve felt some kind of way about Edinson Cavani threatening to usurp El Niño’s hard-earned title as The World’s Foremost Sitter-Misser, so he went and did this:...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
America's Beautiful Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, Just Ran Through Real Madrid<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund, one of the world’s very best soccer teams, found themselves down against Real Madrid, the most famous sports team on the planet, in a Champions League match today. Looking to change the game, they turned to a goddamn American child, 18-year-old Christian Pulisic, to save the day. ...