chicago Page 82 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jameer Nelson Did The Big Balls Dance
Last night's Bulls-Magic game was a three-overtime thriller marked by plenty of big shots, but it would just have been a standard 101-99 Bulls win if not for Jameer Nelson and his big balls. Here we see Nelson tying the game with a jumper in the closing seconds of the fourth quarter, and then hitti...
Meanwhile, in Chicago, Joel Reese defends Clark the Pantsless Cub. Neil Steinberg does not. Some highlights: "Horror ... pantsless obscenity ... Smurf-like blandness ... monstrosity ... homogenized ... this excrescence ... designed to pacify the sick children it visits in hospitals (thus freeing act...
Comcast SportsNet Airs Our Version Of Cubs Mascot With Cock And Balls
Earlier this week we introduced you to terrifying Cubs mascot Clark The Cub and invited you to do horrible things to him. We started you off with Jim Cooke's full-frontal rendition, which is exactly what Comcast SportsNet Mid-Atlantic aired to viewers across the Washington, D.C. area tonight....
Old Man Asked To Stop Shooting Icicles On His House
How do you knock down icicles on your house? A shovel? A stick? Your hands? Those are all common and effective methods. One old man in Illinois went with his gun instead....
Cubs Are Disappointed You Did Such Filthy Things To Their New Mascot
It's been a rough two days for Clark the Cub, the Chicago Cubs' dumb new mascot. We put a gross dick on him, and a lot of other people did some not-so-nice things to him as well. The Cubs have noticed all of this, and they are tired of all the tomfoolery....
A Brief History Of Terrible Chicago Mascots
The Chicago Cubs unveiled their new mascot yesterday to little acclaim. That's what happens when you create a mascot that looks like a nightmarish, perverted furry and lends itself to horrible Photoshop alterations. But Clark the Cub is just the latest in a long line of ill-advised Chicago mascots. ...
Contest: Do Something Horrible To The Cubs' New, Perverted Mascot [NSFW?]
The Cubs' new mascot is a nightmarish, perverted furry, and it deserves to have horrible things done to it. Gawker art director Jim Cooke has already gotten this party started. Do your worst....
White Sox Hotel Rooming List Reveals Some Great Fake Names
This is the White Sox rooming list for a 2012 midweek series in St. Louis. We don't know the provenance, but we hadn't seen it until Anthony sent it to us, so we're passing it along....
The Cubs' New Mascot Is A Nightmarish, Perverted Furry
In an apparent effort to get the public to stop paying so much attention to their tenuous connections to the traditional baseball experience and start paying more attention to them as a baseball team, the Chicago Cubs have spent the last while systematically eradicating everything that's even remote...
Asian Crap Threatening Chicago, According To ABC Affiliate
Even though Asian Crap is a danger to the city of Chicago, fear not. The city has a plan to deal with its Asian Crap....
Having A Bad Day? Well, At Least It's Not Raining Shit In Your Office
Look upon the indoor poop storm of 2014, and tremble....
Cavs Trade Andrew Bynum To Bulls For Luol Deng
The Cavs have traded Andrew Bynum, three future draft picks and the right to swap picks in 2015 (1-14 protected) to Chicago for Luol Deng. The Bulls are expected to waive Bynum before his $12 million contract becomes guaranteed on Tuesday. Deng will be an unrestricted free agent following this seaso...
I Can't Stop Watching This Fan Gank Kyle Lowry's Shoes From Another Fan
This guy is just so casual and so smooth. Boom, one shoe. Boom, two shoes. Turn around, hey what's up. Peace out. Lowry even tries to throw the second one around the interceptor to make sure the guy in the jersey gets at least on of the shoes. No dice....
Jay Cutler Just Got Himself A Big Contract
The Chicago Bears, via the press conference's answer to War and Peace, announced this morning that Jay Cutler has signed a seven-year extension with the team. The exact details of the contract aren't yet known, ESPN's Adam Schefter reports that it will eclipse an average of $17.6 million per year an...
Nobody Wants Andrew Bynum To Play Basketball
Want to know far has Andrew Bynum's star fallen? Look no further than this report from ESPN's Brian Windhorst and Ramona Shelburne, detailing a few trade rumours that Bynum's name has popped up in. Bynum for Pau Gasol! Bynum for Luol Deng! These seem like big-time trades, until you understand exactl...
Wisconsin Football Celebrates Packers Win, Except For One Sad Bears Fan
Players from Wisconsin's football team watched the Packers-Bears game from their hotel in Orlando as they prep for the Capital One Bowl. When Randall Cobb caught the game-winning touchdown for Green Bay, most of them celebrated. Most of them. The Bears fan in the Matt Forte jersey was so, so unhappy...
Defeated Brandon Marshall Is Defeated
[Packers cornerback Tramon Williams tries to talk to Brandon Marshall, who's fine with a face full of Soldier Field grass. Sam Shields had just picked off Jay Cutler to end the game, and the Bears' season. Photo by Charles Rex Arbogast/AP]...
Aaron Rodgers And Randall Cobb Put The Packers Into The Playoffs
It seems appropriate that the Packers' game-winning score was a connection from two of their players returning from injury. In a win-and-in Week 17 game against the Bears, Aaron Rodgers found a wide-open Randall Cobb on fourth down to take a 33-28 lead that ended up as the final score, putting Green...
Packers Score Bizarre Touchdown On Play Everybody Thought Was Dead
Aaron Rodgers and Jarrett Boykin inadvertently teamed up for an odd, delayed touchdown to give the Packers a 10-37 lead....