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How To Grill A Skirt Steak, A Mere 11 Minutes Of Worthwhile Labor
Grilling skirt steak is the easiest, fastest way to get steak into multiple people at the same time. This makes it well suited to Labor Day's two traditions: the notion of a holiday from work, and the often contradictory practice of throwing a big exciting cookout on this day when you're supposed...
How To Make Fried Calamari, The Classiest Of Fried Foods
The question is: Why make fried calamari for yourself, when you can get it at virtually any restaurant in the Western world, from the swankest of haute cuisine food temples to the Guy Fieri-est Ameridude chain crapholes, and it's no worse than pretty decent in all of them?...
How To Cook Pork Belly, Which Thoroughly Kicks Bacon's Ass
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner is pudding defender and friend of the program Miserable Shitehawk....
Tell Us About Your Go-To Foodstuff
Do you have a go-to food? Something that you can whip up with your eyes closed when you need to get some food on the table and don't have the time or resources to experiment?...
How To Make Hushpuppies, Which Are Man's Second-Best Friend
You may already know one of the many (likely apocryphal) hushpuppy origin stories, in some form or another. A familiar one has an old-timey Deep South cook (possibly a slave, depending on the storyteller's willingness to acknowledge the foundational crime of American history) preparing food for som...
How To Make Clam Chowder Like Real Fackin' New Englandahs Do, Maybe
There is a reason why every run-down, disreputable, reeking, inexplicably charming fish joint in North America serves New England-style clam chowder, and that's that New England-style clam chowder is goddamn delicious. Also, there are two other reasons....
How To Make Chicken Salad The Star Of The Show, For Once
Your whole life, chicken salad has been there for you. When you had leftover chicken, drying out in the refrigerator, and no appetite for it, ol' chicken salad was there to make it interesting and appetizing again. Ol' reliable. Silent and steady and dependable. A closer....
How To Ditch The Pillsbury Dough-Log And Make Your Own Cookies
Ah, the chocolate-chip cookie. Many a confectionery addiction kicked off the moment an impressionable youngster watched a vulgar blue puppet shovel platefuls of these things into his gaping, vacant mouth-hole. This obsession probably also explains why the Sexy Cookie Monster costume exists. (Relate...
How To Grill Vegetables, And Make The Most Of Those Hot Coals
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner is friend of the program and Drynuary evangelist John Ore....
How To Make Seafood Paella, Whether It's Traditional Or Not
Picture the scene! An early summer evening in Valencia, Spain, in the mid-19th century; an aromatic open fire of orange and pine branches, and pine cones, crackles happily in an orchard clearing. A wide, flat pan, enormous, two feet across, sits suspended over the flames. The men, their olde-thy...
How To Make Macaroni Salad, The Very Least You Can Do
"Hey guys, we're having a [variety of outdoor cookout-y shindig] on [date] at [place], and we'd love for you to come! We'll have beer and [variety of greasy meat], and [dude] has agreed to whip up a batch of his famous [really fatty and gross but also kind of delicious side, probably with little ...
How To Make Pancakes, A Marvel Of Labor And Science
The pancake—the notion of the pancake as a breakfast food—comes to us from an older time, a slower time, a time before boxed cereal. A time when your breakfast choices included grinding wheat into flour, mixing it with liquid, and cooking it, or else just chewing on some un-ground wheat like an ass...
Do Not Wear A Suit With Shorts
Men's shorts are OK. (Women's shorts are also OK, but they are much more obviously OK, and not what we are talking about.) Summers get hot around this part of the solar system; why swaddle those vast swaths of leg-skin behind fabric when you could use them, sensibly, to radiate your body's interna...
How To Make Deviled Eggs, And Reign As Lord Of The Side Dishes
Somebody always brings deviled eggs to the cookout or potluck or NA meeting, and it's never you, and that person is everyone's favorite, because deviled eggs are just the best. ...
How To Cook A Pork Shoulder On The Grill: A Good Day's Work, For Once
A truth of the modern workplace is that you do a lot of tedious bullshit—meetings and reports and conference calls, spreadsheets and data entry and friggin' change-controls, office politicking and ass-kissing and -covering, long hours and long commutes and long/haggard/grey faces and exhaustion—for ...
Here Is Your Memorial Day Menu
So it's Memorial Day, a day designated by the federal government for inching glacially northward on I-95 with ten trillion other weekend beachgoers, cursing the day this humid blue turd congealed out of space-garbage in the orbit of a giant ignited fart, secretly desperate to return to the climate-c...
How To Cook A Giant T-Bone Steak The Size Of Your Entire Head
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspinner this week is writer and Drynuary evangelist John Ore....
How To Make Hummus For Yourself, Like A Real Friggin' Human Would
If you live on earth, your local supermarket has a lot of packaged hummus in it. Different brands and varieties, different accompanying flavors and garnishes—roasted red peppers! pine nuts! roasted garlic! spinach and artichoke hearts! XXXtreme Buffalo-Ranch Frito-Blast Flavor Dirt!—and so on. This...
How To Cook And Eat Whole Shrimp (Yes, Even Their Heads)
Generally speaking, we like shrimp. Your local supermarket testifies to this: Multiple sizes of shrimp of various provenance on display at the seafood counter; shrimp prepared and flash-frozen in wild variety (OK, maybe not wild variety, but anyway Captain Gorton breads them at least a couple of di...
How To Make Chili Oil, AKA Liquid Fun
The problem with condiments is that even if they're theoretically intended to enhance or complement the flavors of a given dish, too often they just swamp those other flavors instead. Take, for example, ketchup, the iconic condiment: It doesn't taste bad (and anyone who tells you it does is more in...