deadspin-xy Page 5 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
11 Shots Of Liquor, Reconsidered
Good afternoon! Let me tell you how to run your wedding. Just kidding, no one cares about your wedding. Now, back to my wedding: We sprung for the all-you-can-guzzle beer and wine buffet, but we didn't serve hard liquor. This is partly because we're cheapskates and partly because we're sane—the rece...
Our Month Without Booze Is Past The Midpoint. Shit's Getting Real.
Week Three. The Wall. We warned you that Week Three would be the hardest. The novelty of Drynuary definitely wears off by now, boredom creeps in with a vengeance, and somehow you have to negotiate the interminable two weeks between the NFL conference championships and the Super Bowl without your fav...
How To Cook Chicken Cutlets, And Give Yourself A Reason To Keep Living
These are dark times, friends. Literally! It's dark as hell all the time, because it is winter, and everything is polar vortices and bitter bullying winds and frostbite and uncontrollable sobbing and making a fort out of couch cushions and hiding inside the fort shrouded in sweaters and jackets an...
How Much Should You Tip Your Bartender? More Than You're Tipping Now
A friend recently asked Twitter if she should tip the guy who painted a room in her house. I told her painters are creeps and criminals and hers could be counted upon to gratuitize himself via her sock and silverware drawers, because I resort to stereotyping when I'm scared and confused, and I don't...
Dear Humans: Do Not Eat Pizza With Utensils
Hey, homo sapiens! Let us embark upon an expedition of the mind. A mindspedition! ...
How To Make A Cheesesteak, And Probably Get Crap From Pennsylvanians
Hey, let's make a goddamn cheesesteak. If we do it quickly, we can get finished before the city of Philadelphia declares war....
Help! My Sweaty Ass Is Stinking Up My Car
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
Let's Make A Really Good Bloody Mary, For Once
When I was a dirty young man working at a low-end marketing outfit, I scoffed at the tagline for the office-approved Dockers-rock station that played all day in any cube pod where the clip artisans outnumbered the conference callers. In between Lilith Fair dirges, furniture store ads, and the softer...
How To Make Steamed Pork Dumplings, Like My Great-Grandfather Did
Albert Burneko is off. Your guest Foodspin columnist today is KSK and SB Nation contributor Eric Sollenberger....
Here's A Guy With Two Fully Functional Penises (NSFW)
2014 is one damn day old, and Reddit might have the scoop of the year. A redditor going by DoubleDickDude went ahead and answered a question every man has pondered: What if you had two dicks? Apparently, it's pretty great. (Yes, there is a photo.)...
What Can We Learn About America From The Stuff We Put Up Our Asses?
This Christmas, we took our annual look at what Americans got stuck in their butts this past year. It sure felt like a banner year for rectum accidents, but was this really this case? And the obvious followup: What does it mean for the economy?...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?
While collecting insertions into various orifices for our annual feature, we stumbled across a good number of truly awful penis-related mishaps. Culled from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission's database of emergency room visits, here's a year's worth of self-abuse....
How To Eat The Raw Oyster, Goodness In Its Pure Form
No one has moderate feelings toward the raw oyster (except perhaps for the terminally indifferent, may they ride the Meh Bus straight to hell): Either you ohmigod love love loooooove them, or you think they are gross little brine-loogies and have bad taste in things....
How Do I Clean Up All These Pine Needles?
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?
As in past years, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity. [Note: Headline has ...
How To Make A Ragù, Which Has Nothing To Do With Jars
By now you're likely well aware that the word ragù—although perhaps most frequently encountered with its accent symbol flipped over, emblazoned across ten thousand jars of tomato products in your local supermarket—has its own non-commercial definition, other than "bad-tasting Italian-themed ketchup....
The Devil And Phil Robertson: My Day With <em>Duck Dynasty</em>
So GQ sent me down to Monroe, La. (GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO), to hang out with the Duck Dynasty family. You can read the story right here, and whenever I go deep into the heart of 'MERICA—be it for this assignment or the Kid Rock cruise or the Values Voters Summit—I'm always careful not to be the sneering ...
The Most Impressive/Awful Video Christmas Card You'll See This Year
If you are planning a video Christmas card, you will not make one as good as this. You also will not make one nearly as horrifying. This is impressive in the way that certain elaborate mass murders are impressive. ...
Your Jeans Are Filthy. You Should Clean Them! Or Don't.
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I have a house and, like most houses, it’s an unfinished work. There are cracks in the paint. There are piles of old clothes and shoes exploding out of the laundry room, which doubles as a storage room because we don’t have a storage room. The walls in our bedroom are bare because we haven’t had tim...