deadspinxy Page 49 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is The Story Of Two Elegant Latvian Women Roofying And Robbing A Weatherman In South Beach
The scam itself has the makings of a sexy Liam Neeson vengeance-comedy. After young beauties from Estonia, Latvia and the like brought their talents to South Beach, via the U.S. Department of Homeland Security Visa Waiver Program, they were trained in luring wealthy-looking businessmen to fake nigh...
Can You Filibuster Your Own Execution?
Last Saturday I was supposed to sing the National Anthem at a Richmond Revolution game. The Richmond Revolution are a team in the Indoor Football League. What I didn't know is that Richmond Revolution are the only team in the Indoor Football League that plays its games OUTSIDE, and are therefore sub...
Cockblocked In Thailand!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Some Texans Wish Michelangelo Chose To Cover David's Junk, If Only For Their Innocent Children
According to this news report on KTXS, several Abilene, Texas residents are rather concerned that "a new man" moved onto their block of Lollypop Trail and plopped a statue of David and his manmeat right on the front lawn. These brave neighbors chose not to complain to the art patrons/villains next...
55 Grey Goose Cocktails For Only $770! An Unscientific Analysis Of The Epic Bar Tab From Tryst In Las Vegas
A few caveats: 1.) This booze session took place in Vegas; 2.) It took place at Tryst, which for those of you fortunate enough to never have been intoxicated therein, can inflict permanent damage to the wallet. That said, this is still an impressive receipt, a full version of which you can view here...
Everything You Wanted To Know About Porn, Weed, And Toilets In Afghanistan, Courtesy A Platoon Leader
That photo of an anonymous U.S. soldier standing in front of a whole shitload of weed was taken by a platoon leader in Afghanistan with the Gawker handle Lono. He emailed me recently to clarify a number of things about fighting overseas, namely the quality of local porn, the abundance of local weed,...
Ole Miss Students Have Laptops Stolen, Mom Of Young Thief Writes Cryptic Apology Letter To Them
I don't know what to make of this odd letter that came to us today. The email it was attached to gives some more of the zany details and, if it's true, it's remarkably fucked up....
Did Osama Bin Laden Have Porn?
I used an electric nose hair trimmer for the first time the other day. It was oddly titillating. Now my nostrils are hollowed out like Nikki Tyler. It's almost too much oxygen for me to handle in one load....
Great Moments In Bad Handjobs
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
A Special Graduation Message To The Class of 2011
Every year, thousands of young Americans graduate from college. And every year, those poor wretched hungover bastards are forced to sit out in some quad in million-degree heat to listen to a mildly famous person yammer on and on for hours about how these kids will change the world and all that bulls...
Michelle Obama Teaches You How To Dougie
We were wondering if our President and First Lady could do anything to top what just might be The Best Week Ever In Presidential History. And then Michelle Obama went ahead and did the Dougie. This, you should know, as a potentially tax-paying American, is a part of the "Let's Move!" campaign and ...
Your Special Edition Dead Bin Laden Funbag
Before we get to your letters, kudos to TMZ for asking if Obama had victory sex on Sunday Night. Because he totally should have. His seaman should have conducted a forceful raid of his wife's compound to celebrate that news....
A Good Old Fashioned Pussyblock!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Everything You Wanted To Know About Fantasy Mutant Sperm But Were Afraid To Ask
Before we get to your letters, I must break down, in great detail, this fantastic question that was posted to Reddit over the weekend, from Reddit user Maddawg579:...
How Not To Get Caught Cheating
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Free Yourself Of The Dreaded “Sketchy” Label
I got a letter for our Drunken Hookup Failures last week from a dude named Matt. Now, Matt's hookup fail was fairly boring and didn't make the cut, but there was something at the end of his story that gave me pause, and it was this sentence:...
HOLY SHIT MONSTER JELLYFISH
That's the lion's mane jellyfish, which lives in the ocean and can apparently devour cities whole. I had no fucking idea this existed. COMPLETELY CHANGES THE GAME. I'm never going in the ocean again. Ever. I'm afraid to even take a goddamn bath now, lest this thing ooze out of the pipes and eats my ...
Let's Help Sarah H. Win $10K
When Sarah H. sent this video, she posed the question: "Can you spot the Ukulele?" Then, she readily admitted her "Another Hitachi Day" cover artistry is nothing but an attention grab. If she gets the most hits of all the entries in some sort of contest, she'll win $10,000 from whatever Hitachiday...
There Are No Winners In Louisiana Jello Wrestling, Only Screams And Suggestive Techniques
People say we don't offer enough coverage of wrestling, the caveat being that the dearth applies to wrestlers not yet dead. Fair enough....
The Greatest Facebook Fail Ever
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....