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Here's Another Insane Christmas Wish List
After our own Drew Magary shared his daughter's crazy-ass Christmas wish list with the world, we received many other lists from parents around the country who also have, uh, imaginative kids. Here's another one, and it's a doozy:...
The Devil And Phil Robertson: My Day With <em>Duck Dynasty</em>
So GQ sent me down to Monroe, La. (GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO), to hang out with the Duck Dynasty family. You can read the story right here, and whenever I go deep into the heart of 'MERICA—be it for this assignment or the Kid Rock cruise or the Values Voters Summit—I'm always careful not to be the sneering ...
What Is History's Greatest Toy?
Hey, I'm on vacation next week, so there won't be a Funbag on Christmas Eve. You'll just have to spend your day with your family, which is awful. I apologize in advance....
The Most Impressive/Awful Video Christmas Card You'll See This Year
If you are planning a video Christmas card, you will not make one as good as this. You also will not make one nearly as horrifying. This is impressive in the way that certain elaborate mass murders are impressive. ...
Your Jeans Are Filthy. You Should Clean Them! Or Don't.
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I have a house and, like most houses, it’s an unfinished work. There are cracks in the paint. There are piles of old clothes and shoes exploding out of the laundry room, which doubles as a storage room because we don’t have a storage room. The walls in our bedroom are bare because we haven’t had tim...
Can I Cook Italian Food For Italian Guests?
Welcome to the Feedbag, where all the dumb questions about food, drink, cooking, eating, and accidental finger removal you've been embarrassed to ask can finally receive the berating they goddamn deserve. Also: answers. Send all your even-vaguely-food-related questions to [email protected] wit...
How To Make Scrambled Eggs, Most Controversial Of All The Breakfasts
Did you know that people do not all make scrambled eggs the same way? Did you know that they even occasionally disagree about how best to make scrambled eggs? It's true. True and intolerable. True and intolerable and horrifying....
An Ode To One Of America's Best Dive Bars
You've probably never heard of Bowling Green unless its college basketball team, the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky, has broken your bracket, one year or another. The city sits between Louisville and Nashville, and people drive there from all over southern Kentucky to eat, to shop, and, most of all...
A Treasury Of Children's Insane Christmas Wish Lists
After I posted my kid's goofy Christmas wish list on Wednesday, we asked you readers to send in some of your own. You were not a disappointment to us. One guy's kid sent in the entire contents of the toy section at Target. Another reader's kid had a list that included a diagram (its instructions and...
My Kid's Insane Christmas Wish List, Annotated
When I was a kid, I would dream up completely insane presents to put on my Christmas wish list—shit that no parent could ever possibly afford and no child could ever possibly deserve. And every year, my parents would tell me before Christmas that I would NOT be getting the little race car I saw on ...
The Dumb Iron Bowl Question You Were Afraid To Ask
I watched the Iron Bowl on Saturday and after basking in the glorious HOLYSHIT-ness of it all, I wondered what would happen if you returned a field goal in the middle of a game but failed to bring it all the way to the house. Do you get the ball at the spot you returned it? Or does the ball automa...
This Thanksgiving Be Thankful You Are Not An Asshole Truck
How's my driving? the "Swift" truck's rear end quaintly asks. Fuck you. That's how's your driving. Tractor trailers, semis, trucks, whatever you want to call them are the absolute, no-doubt-about-it worst. Traveling Interstate 80 through the entirety of Pennsylvania and this same scene will play out...
A Guide For Cleaning Every Possible Thanksgiving Stain (Like Blood)
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She'll be here every other week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Email her....
Got Thanksgiving Cooking Questions? Come Chat With Some Food Types
We're pleased to be joined by Sarah Sprague of KSK, Spilly of SB Nation, and Amanda Hesser, former food editor of The New York Times Magazine and founder of Food52. Jolie Kerr, Will Gordon, and I are here, too. We're all hanging out down below in the discussion, awaiting your Thanksgiving food and...
Should You Transfer Colleges If You're Miserable?
Before I get to the Funbag, a quick programming note: There WILL be a Jamboroo column on Thanksgiving. It should run early before the games start. So be on the lookout for that while your mom makes you spoon cranberry sauce out of a can because she doesn't trust you with the important cooking duti...
Chase Cut To
The Busy Body Lounge, a strip club in Evansville, Ind., is causing controversy with a sign that promises a free blow job with each dance. Which is exactly the idea. (To create controversy, not to promise sex with a lapdance. Although that's also the idea.)...
Cheap Bourbons, Ranked
Each year around mid-August, publicists start burying everyone in the food journalizing racket with ideas for Thanksgiving coverage. Most of their emails concern ways in which a client, usually a lesser television chef or an agricultural marketing board, can enhance your stuffing with this or that u...
How To Make Mashed Potatoes (Because That's All They'll Let You Make)
Insofar as your entire life, to this point, can be understood as a series of undertakings begun in earnest, gradually disintegrated by pressure and time, and then finally destroyed with sudden, spasmodic violence, you—exactly you, you there, reading this now—are the perfect person to make and bring ...