drunks Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Science Wins Again: Heavy Drinkers Live Longer
Hey teetotalers: not only are you a drag, you're going to die younger. Live slow, die fast, jerks....
Miami University Cracking Down On Poopy, Pukey Sorority Parties
Miami University fraternities and sororities will be forced to hire security and designate "sober monitors" at Greek events this year. Why, oh, why would such drastic measures be needed you ask?...
Patrick Kane Is More Alcohol Than Man At This Point
It's apparently Patrick Kane week here at Deadspin. So please accept this dump of assorted drunken sightings of the Blackhawks hero tooling around with Jimmy Buffett, rocking the flat-brimmed Reds cap, and getting "iced."...
Reader Submits Alleged Post-Coital Photo Of Patrick Kane
Email accompanying this photo circulating around Chicago area: "My co-worker's friend hooked up with Patrick Kane last week... and took a picture to prove it. Apparently, he was only so-so in bed."...
Patrick Kane: A Portrait In Inebriation
Via NBC Chicago, here's a compilation of Kaner during the Blackhawks' victory parade today in Chicago. Watch him chug champagne, catch crowd beers, drink from the Cup, and slur his speech with the moxie of a 10-year veteran. Video inside....
This Is What Happens When There Are No Playoffs On Saturday
Big thanks to both the NHL and NBA for providing zero entertainment today. I'd much rather flip between two Finals games on Sunday night then enjoy each one separately during the other 44 hours of the weekend when nothing happened....
An Alternate History Of The Miami Sorority Zoo Party Bus Of Doom
Earlier this week, we told you about the Zeta Tau Alpha sorority that was disciplined by Miami University for alleged drunken assaults on a limousine driver. Well, a friend of the Zetas have stepped up to defend their honor....
Yet Another Miami Sorority Formal Ends In Drunken, Pukey Anarchy
The Fightin' Zeta Tau Alphas of Miami University became the third sorority at the Ohio school to be placed on probation this semester after a night of messy, over-served lunacy. At the zoo, of all places. Those poor animals....
Dodger Games Slightly Less Violent and Chaotic This Year
Did you know tailgating is illegal in Dodger Stadium parking lots? Neither did the 132 arrested at the home opener yesterday—which is still better than last season when a guy got stabbed. That's progress! [LA Times]...
Slovenian Hockey Players Celebrate Title By Beating Up Coach
Six players from Slovenia's league champion, Acroni Jesenice, have been booted from the team after beating up their head coach in drunken post-game celebration. It's okay, though because he totally deserved his thrashing....
The Preakness Promise: You Will Get Hammered On The Infield This Year
After a ban on outside beverages led to a huge drop in attendance last year, officials at Pimlico Racetrack are changing course. Still no outside drinks, but $20 gets you a bottomless mug of beer. This plan has no flaws....
Last Night's Winner: Cirrhosis Of The Liver
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all you rummies out there who have merged St. Patrick's Day and March Madness into a sort of extended holiday—Hanukkah for drunks....
Astonishing Tales Of Insanity: The 23-Mile Parachute Jump vs. Rocket Sled
An Austrian skydiver is planning to jump out of a balloon 120,000 feet above the Earth. Is that more or less stupid than a guy strapping a muffler filled with gasoline to his back while sledding down a hill?...
Angry Indy Cops vs. Drunk Jets Fan: The Video
Video of the "tasered" Jets fan has finally surfaced, and I don't want to spoil it for you, but it looks like at least one Indianapolis police officer is living life on a very thin edge....
Jets Fans Don't Fare Much Better Against Indianapolis Police
Everyone expects sadistic fascist police action in San Diego, but surely the good Midwestern people of Indianapolis (a.k.a., Real America) would welcome visiting football fans with open arms? Or you know....taser them in the parking lot....
The Best Place To Get In A Bar Fight This Sunday
When Viking fans in New York City want to watch Vikings games, they go to a place called Bar None. When Saints fans in New York City want to watch Saints games, they go to the exact same bar. Uh-oh....
Charles Rogers Just Can't Quit Drinking Himself To Sleep
Former Detroit/MSU receiver Charles Rogers was arrested again, this time for falling asleep in a Mexican restaurant at 3:15 p.m. on Tuesday. Maybe he has narcolepsy. (Caused by too much alcohol.)...
Giants Stadium Won't Sell Alcohol At Jets Final Game
In a utterly fitting tribute to their bizarre incestuous relationship, the New York Jets of New Jersey will play the final football game at Giants Stadium. They will also do it without the benefit of their traditionally sloshed fans....
Guns, Booze, and Saints Fans: A Drama In One Act
Even if this turns out to be a viral video for Smith and Wesson, you kind of know this really happened somewhere in Louisiana, right? [YouTube, thanks Ed!]...