ea Page 1338 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![$135 in Free Android Apps, Carnival Food at Home, $40 Roku 2 [Deals]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/mgn0gt9c8iagphyvfksc.jpg)
$135 in Free Android Apps, Carnival Food at Home, $40 Roku 2 [Deals]
The obvious highlight today is a HUGE Amazon Appstore deal on 27 different premium apps and games, all for free. Highlights include Swype keyboard, OfficeSuite Professional 7, Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode II, Threes!, and GeniusScan+ [Amazon]...

Alleged Striker Fails To Score Easiest Goal Ever
Philipp Hofmann of Kaiserslautern could've done anything else with the ball here and scored. He could've barely tapped it in almost any direction and it would've gone in. He could've tripped over in his wind-up and his face would've bungled it in. His only job was not to do exactly what he did....

I Can't Stop Looking At Mario Balotelli's New Haircut
Yoooooooooooooo....

Two People With Nothing To Say About Sean Taylor
Sean Taylor: A Football Life will air tomorrow night on the NFL Network, and will chronicle the life and death of Taylor, who was fatally shot by burglars during a home invasion on Nov. 26, 2007. There is no better time—though there is no bad time—to remind you of the sneering and altogether shithea...

With Chance To Gain Ground, Mariners Lose In Agonizing Fashion
The Seattle Mariners weren't going to make the playoffs this season. Going into yesterday's games, they were three back of both the Royals and A's for the final wild card playoff slot, with five games left to play. ESPN's playoff odds calculator gave them only a 0.1 percent chance. But did the Mar...



Deadspin Up All Night: Tension's Too Thick
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Eat some peanuts....

Watch Manchester United Fans Brawl With Guys Dressed Like Waldo
In one corner, a bunch of drunken oafs fresh off leaving a United match. In the other corner, a bunch of drunken oafs celebrating a bachelor party and wearing matching Where's Waldo? shirts and hats. It's the most England video there is. ...

The Worst Punishment For Luis Suárez Is Forcing Him To Play Teenagers
The worst part of Luis Suárez's suspension for the player himself probably hasn't been the jokes about his cannibalistic supervillain image, nor missing out on the early parts of this promising Barcelona season, nor the weekly adulation from tens of thousands of fans he used to receive whenever he s...

Lame Golfer Kids Attempt The Shmoney Dance, Killing Hot Dance Trend
Apparently some people are confused. The US Junior Ryder Cup team has been attempting to make their shitty interpretation of the Shmoney Dance their official celebratory dance, and some people are buying in. But this is good. This is teachable....

FIFA's Independent Investigator Wants His Corruption Report Released
FIFA hired an outside investigator to conduct a probe into allegations of bribery in the bidding process for the Russia and Qatar World Cups. That investigator, a former U.S. federal prosecutor, has finally submitted his findings to FIFA with the expectation that they would eventually be released to...

John Rocker Was Born To Be A <em>Survivor</em> Villain, And To Lose
You remember John Rocker....

Manchester United's Defenders Don't Actually Know How To Defend
Manchester United were supposed to play yesterday in England's League Cup. Instead, they were home chilling, because on August 26, they got curb stomped by third-division midtable side MK Dons. ...
![Improve Your Cooking, Lock the House, Cancel Some Noise [Deals]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/i5gf5nd52orm5uvzdvxr.jpg)
Improve Your Cooking, Lock the House, Cancel Some Noise [Deals]
If you like to cook, but don't own a kitchen scale, you're really missing out. Measuring ingredients by volume is inherently imprecise and inconsistent, but weighing them ensures that your meals come out perfect every time. Luckily, you don't have to spend a lot to enjoy the benefits yourself....

Ghanaian Soccer Star Denies Rumors He Ritually Sacrificed Rapper Friend
In the second confrontation—the first involving kicking the shit out of a journalist for inquiring on the subject—of rumors that Asamoah Gyan had his old friend, the rapper Castro, ritually sacrificed to benefit his career, the Gyan family has released a long statement denying the allegations....

Liverpool Defeat Middlesbrough 14-13 On Penalties
Yes, the headline is accurate. Liverpool defeated Championship side Middlesbrough 14-13 on penalties Tuesday to advance to the fourth round of the League Cup. Liverpool took leads of 1-0 and 2-1 but were pegged back twice, the second time in the 123rd minute of play after Kolo Touré's ill-advised ta...

Deadspin Up All Night: A Letter
Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. We'll do better, at some point. ...

Keith Olbermann Takes A Big Ol' Poo On Derek Jeter
For anyone who is fed up with Derek Jeter's season-long victory parade and all of the muck that it has produced, this nearly seven-minute monologue from Keith Olbermann will feel downright pornographic. ...

Greek Soccer Team's Manager Gets Way Too Turnt During Press Conference
If there was one thing you could say about Gennaro Gattuso, AC Milan's and Italy's fiery former leader, it was that the man was a lock for a manager job when he retired. If there was another thing you could say, it was that said managerial career would involve numerous public blow-ups like this....