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Deadspin Up All Night: Darkest (Dim)
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There Is A Half-Naked Frenchman Living In A Bear, Because Art
Have you ever wanted to stare at a live feed of a Frenchman's taint while he lays inside of a stuffed bear? Well then click this link right here, buddy....

Will DeSean Jackson Make Washington Better?
Over at FiveThirtyEight, Neil Paine has an interesting post on what sort of expectations we should set for DeSean Jackson. This is a good question, but it raises a second, wider question: What should we expect DeSean Jackson to mean, on net, for his new offense as a whole? ...

Richard Sherman Speaks The Truth On DeSean Jackson
Richard Sherman has written another post for The MMQB, and this time he is wading into the mess of stupid that has bubbled up around DeSean Jackson's release from the Eagles and alleged gang ties. It's the smartest thing that's been written about the situation yet....

2014 Name Of The Year: The Sweet 16
We had a polling malfunction last week: The Bulltron and Sithole polls inexplicably closed early. Our bad, and thanks for letting us know on Twitter so we could re-open them; we might not have caught the error otherwise....

Reporter Who Said He'd Quit If 'Skins Got DeSean Jackson Does Not Quit
ESPN 980 beat reporter Chris Russell learned a valuable lesson about not saying anything ever, when he promised last week to quit his job if Washington signed DeSean Jackson. Well, Washington signed DeSean Jackson....

How Did Washington Get DeSean Jackson So Cheap?
The Philadelphia faithful will have their chance next season to tell DeSean Jackson exactly what they think of him, when he returns as the newest member of a divisional rival. Jackson agreed to terms with Washington yesterday, on a relatively team-friendly deal for one of the league's top receivers....


Deadspin Up All Night: Concrete Schoolyard
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60 (Maybe) Surprising Player Projections From Baseball Prospectus
Two player projections for every team, from Baseball Prospectus 2014, edited by Sam Miller and Jason Wojciechowski. For much more, visit BaseballProspectus.com....

Wayne Rooney Dives, Draws A Red, Smirks
Here's Rooney's 90th minute dive that earned Bastian Schweinsteiger a second yellow, and a suspension for next week's Champions League second leg....

Watch The Stunning Champions League Strike That Put Atléti Up On Barça
Barcelona welcomed Atlético Madrid to the Camp Nou today in what is becoming a regular rivalry of increasingly large stakes. It was a Champions League matchup this time, as tense and cagey as you'd expect—that is, until Diego decided he'd had enough and straight flattened a ball into the net from ab...

How Would An NCAA Union Actually Work? A Guide For Perplexed Pundits
The real triumph of the decades-long propaganda war against organized labor isn't best seen in the ever-declining rate of unionization, or ever-increasing income inequality, or even the way the word "union" functionally works as an epithet. It's seen, instead, in the fact that so many otherwise smar...

Dumb Question About Derek Jeter Drives Radio Host To Breaking Point
This is Bruce Drennan, a Cleveland sportscaster who hosts a call-in radio show called All Bets Are Off. During yesterday's show, a guy—a plant? an actual yokel?—called in and asked Drennan if he thought there was any chance that Derek Jeter might end up on the Indians. Much exasperation ensued, as ...


Can Anyone Stop The Beliebers? Vote On The Bitchy Bracket Final 8
We're down to the regional finals of our survey of the most thin-skinned, defensive fanboys in America, and apparently you people aren't familiar enough with the lunatics at TEAM BREEZY because Chris Brown's virtual harem got spanked in the Sweet 16 by Beliebers, who make such obvious targets. Here...

Wale And The ESPN Assignment Desk: A Four-Tweet Comedy
Rapper Wale is helping in Washington's courtship of DeSean Jackson, the two of them hitting the club last night along with Pierre Garcon and DeAngelo Hall. Wale posted the above photo to his Instagram, and ESPN took notice....

New Zealand Rugby Celebrations Are Beastly
New Zealand's rugby team, the All Blacks, won the Hong Kong Sevens tournament on Sunday with a 26-7 victory over England. To celebrate, they performed a Haka dance—a traditional Māori dance they typically try to intimidate their opponents with before the match—in the middle of a rain storm and creat...

Deadspin Up All Night: Run Like Troy Aikman
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