emo Page 47 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
José Mourinho Caught Apparently Shoving A Kid Trying To Sneak A Selfie
It’s not been the best couple months for Chelsea boss José Mourinho. We already knew that his shockingly poor start to the season and the pressure that has come with it was beginning to fracture the man’s sanity. Now he’s out here in the streets of London, pushing teens who just want a picture....
Curt Schilling Has A Democratic Debate Take For You
There will be a lot of takes on tonight’s Democratic debate. Here’s the one that matters....
Mets Fan Calls Into Francesa Show, Cries On Air
Will from Queens was feeling a little emotional yesterday morning, and who can blame him? His Mets are in the playoffs for the first time since 2006, he just watched Ruben Tejada get his leg broken on a dirty play, and Matt Harvey? Don’t even get Will started on Matt Harv—[stifles oncoming sobs]—Mat...
José Mourinho's Self-Regard Grows In Inverse Proportion To Chelsea's Record
Hey remember when David Moyes coached United for a year, everyone agreed it was an unmitigated disaster, and it became the standard by which to measure all EPL meltdowns? José Mourinho, the little tyrant man who will probably get fired from the USMNT someday, and Chelsea have started this season thr...
Royals Broadcaster Perfectly Predicts Mike Moustakas's Home Run
With Mike Moustakas facing an 0-2 count in Wednesday night’s game, Fox Sports Kansas City announcer Ryan Lefebvre claimed that the Royals third baseman would not only get a curveball from White Sox pitcher Jose Quintana, but crush it for a home run into Kansas City’s bullpen. “He’s gonna sit on a ha...
Chelsea Players Starting To Rebel Against José Mourinho
It was inevitable that Chelsea’s astoundingly poor performances and results so far this season would lead to some level of internal strife inside the club. We now have confirmation of this, with sources in the team describing a rift between the players and José Mourinho to two different papers....
How To Be A Gracious And Fun Wedding Date
Fifteen years ago, signing up to be someone’s wedding date might have only meant giving up a couple of hours of your life. You would go to a short ceremony at a neighborhood church followed by a rubbery chicken dinner nearby. You might have had to awkwardly dance to “Shout!” with strangers, but knew...
Come On, Summer Is Obviously The Worst Season, Fight Me
Just what the fuck?...
Diego Costa And José Mourinho Are The Shitheads We Need
The more you think about it the more inevitable it seems that José Mourinho—the ne plus ultra of managerial shit-talking, barb-throwing, and incessant needling of rivals—and Diego Costa—his dispositional equivalent on the field, only with elbows substituted for verbal barbs as his projectile of choi...
Bournemouth's Matt Ritchie Hammers Home One Of The Season's Most Astounding Goals
Not content to let Callum Wilson have all the glory, AFC Bournemouth’s Matt Ritchie delivered this mind-altering strike to put his side up 2-0 against a hapless Sunderland side today. We feel pretty confident that this will stand up as one of the Premiership season’s best goals....
We Are Enjoying The Hell Out Of This Chelsea Collapse
Four points from five matches! Making Steven Naismith look like Neymar! Already as many Ls this season as in all of last year! The worst defense in the whole league! One result away from the goddamn relegation zone! We can’t get enough!...
Everton Whomp Chelsea Behind Steven Naismith Hat Trick
Nine minutes into Everton’s match against Chelsea, Muhamed Besic had to leave because of a hamstring injury. Normally, losing a starter less than ten minutes into the game is a bad thing. But not on this day. On this day Steven Naismith replaced Besic, and promptly did this: ...
How To Win The Fair
Who’s ready for a big, fat line of pure, uncut Americana? If you answered “yes” or “no” or did not answer at all out of fear and/or confusion, you’re in luck! Because it’s Fair Season, people, and you’re all invited. So grab your taste for sodium nitrates, and let’s get moving....
Chelsea Shit The Bed Against Crystal Palace
For just the second time in 100 games under José Mourinho, Chelsea have lost at Stamford Bridge. We are just four weeks into the EPL season yet Chelsea already trail Manchester City by eight points after today’s 2-1 defeat to Crystal Palace. ...
Callum Wilson Overhead Kick Gives Bournemouth Lead On Leicester City
We noted here that AFC Bournemouth had the potential to be one of the Premiership’s most exciting clubs this season, and the Cherries haven’t let us down—with Callum Wilson’s acrobatic overhead kick putting his side up 1-0 in the first half today against Leicester City....
A Fan's Notes
Over at The Daily Beast, my pal Allen Barra writes about Frederick Exley and his muse, the late Frank Gifford: ...
Jason Day Wins PGA Championship, Is Probably Still Crying
Jason Day held off Jordan Spieth to win this weekend’s PGA Championship at Whistling Straits, seizing his first major after finishing three times as a runner-up—and doing it in record-setting fashion....
Here's José Mourinho's Bullshit Excuse For Why He Demoted His Team Doctor
Earlier this week, José Mourinho demoted Chelsea’s long-serving team doctor, days after he publicly showed her up during a game last weekend. He’s rightly come in for criticism for the decision, so now “sources close” to him have concocted an excuse for the change: the players didn’t feel comfortabl...
José Mourinho Demotes Team Doctor After Blowing Up Her Spot On Pitch
Eva Carneiro, the long-serving Chelsea first team doctor, has been a staple of the team’s matches over the years, rushing out onto the pitch as the first responder to any and all of their injuries. It’s very likely that one such attempt to treat a player on the field last weekend will be her last, h...
Jose Mourinho Is In Midseason Form As Chelsea Barely Survive Swansea
Chelsea opened their Premier League title defense today with a topsy turvy 2-2 draw against Swansea City. As you can see, Jose Mourinho ain’t too happy about it. Our staff of amateur lip readers concurs that he’s dropping a “Fuck off Michael!”—directed towards referee Michael Oliver—but you could ma...