football Page 248 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Interminable Mike Pereira Rules Monologue Interrupted Several Times By Ghastly Football
The NFL’s got to clean this crap up. The Thursday night game between the Panthers and Buccaneers was already a hellish, dismal slog, featuring punchless, amateurish offense run by a pair of deeply disinterested quarterbacks. Then the fourth quarter rolled around, and what might’ve otherwise been at ...
Washington's Running Back Conflict Resolves Itself In Characteristically Grim, Destructive Fashion
Washington running back Derrius Guice missed his entire rookie season after suffering a knee injury during his first career preseason game. This year, Guice injured his other knee in his first career regular season game, and is expected to miss only half the year. If he keeps this pattern up, the th...
Someone Wanted A Johnny Manziel Jersey Bad Enough To Steal One From A Museum
The Texas A&M campus police asked for help Thursday afternoon identifying a “person of interest” in the theft of the uniform of NFL bust and CFL flameout Johnny Manziel, last seen having a cup of coffee with the now defunct Alliance of American Football. The uniform was reportedly stolen from A&M’s ...
Odell Beckham Jr. Says Gregg Williams Told His Players To Hurt Beckham In A Preseason Game
The Browns are getting ready to play the Jets on Monday night, which means that they will be facing off against their former defensive coordinator, Gregg Williams. Even though Browns receiver Odell Beckham Jr. didn’t overlap with Williams in Cleveland, he has his own history with the Jets’ new defen...
Should A Home Run Automatically End An Inning?
I will not keep you waiting for an answer on this one. No, absolutely not and under no circumstances would it be a good idea for a homer to automatically end an inning in a big league baseball game. It seems important not to equivocate on this question. And yet this Funbag question, from a listener ...
Rolling Stones, San Francisco 49ers, City Of Santa Clara All Extremely Mad At Each Other
The Mercury News has published a surprisingly entertaining story about a three-way spat currently raging between the Rolling Stones, the San Francisco 49ers, and the city of Santa Clara. The fight is over various logistical headaches that come with trying to put on a concert at the Niners’ stadium, ...
The NFL Has A Painkiller Crisis That It Never Wants To Go Away
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Jets Quarterback Sam Darnold Could Be Out Several Weeks With Mono
Because nothing can ever go right for the Jets, Sam Darnold has mono. Darnold, the man Jets fans are relying on to become a franchise-defining quarterback, has apparently been very busy smooching lately, and as a result has contracted the disease you probably haven’t thought about since that one tim...
The Cowboys Look Fun As Hell
Right, right, right: It came against a crummy opponent whose ineptitude no doubt made things far easier than they had to be, and it was only Week 1. But in terms of personnel, play design, and execution, the Cowboys on Sunday showed they’re capable of being as forward-thinking and efficient as any o...
Donald Trump: We Love Bill Belichick, Don't We, And Also Curing AIDS?
There are two versions of President Donald Trump that appear in public. They both inhabit the same body—the same Youppi-shaped torso pitched forward at the same implausible angles, same ghost-pale eyelids fluttering alarmingly, same resplendent candyfloss Kangol of hair stuck on top of it like a wei...
The First Game Of The Rest Of Our Lives
Eighteen years ago this morning I awoke to shouts from the hall of my dorm. “We’re going to war! We’re going to war!” The origin of the shouting was my neighbor Brian, known for his histrionics, so I went back to sleep. But soon after, I received a call from my high school quarterback, Justin, livin...
Cleveland Browns Ban Wrong Guy From Stadium For Beer-Pouring Incident
Pour one out for poor Eric Smith, whom the Cleveland Browns banned for life from their stadium for dumping beer on visiting Tennessee Titans players this past Sunday—even though he was nowhere near the stadium at the time. Just be careful not to get any on anybody, or the Browns will have some rando...
Just So You're Up To Speed, This Is Gardner Minshew
Quarterback Nick Foles fractured his clavicle in the Jacksonville Jaguars’ first game of the season, and his injury meant the door was wide open for rookie Gardner Minshew to strut right through it, because Gardner Minshew looks like a guy who struts, or at least saunters....
Deshaun Watson's Monday Night Heroics Only Mattered For A Moment
When Texans QB Deshaun Watson got the ball down six with zero timeouts and 50 seconds remaining on Monday night against the Saints, it looked like he was entering an impossible situation. Since scoring a touchdown on their first drive of the second half, the Houston offense had been completely ineff...
![Raiders' Gareon Conley Carted Off With Apparent Head Injury After Scary Collision With Teammate [Updates]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/dwrvifnubkg8v0tkrh1u.jpg)
Raiders' Gareon Conley Carted Off With Apparent Head Injury After Scary Collision With Teammate [Updates]
Rookie Raiders safety Johnathan Abram made a number of noisy and violent hits Monday night. Late in the third quarter, with his team up 14–3, Abram drew a 15-yard penalty for lowering his head to initiate contact on a tackle of Broncos running back Royce Freeman, who was slowed up on the sideline b...
Referee Clock Boner Very Nearly Screws Saints In Monday Night Thriller
Monday night’s Texans-Saints game ended with two incredible late drives and a dramatic walk-off 58-yard field goal to put the home team over the top, 30–28. However you feel about the Saints and their fans, one positive takeaway from their victory is it managed to wipe out a pretty significant refer...
![Dear ESPN, Please Stop Using Yellow In Your <i>Monday Night Football</i> Down-And-Distance Graphic [UPDATE: It's Gone]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/dwso0v6k6heg9kpry9fk.gif)
Dear ESPN, Please Stop Using Yellow In Your <i>Monday Night Football</i> Down-And-Distance Graphic [UPDATE: It's Gone]
For reasons passing understanding, ESPN’s Monday Night Football presentation uses a sickly greenish-yellow color for the graphic showing the down and distance. It’s a big highlighter-yellow block on the bottom right of the screen, and it’s ugly, and I hate it. On top of being ugly, it looks like a p...
Jerkass Browns Fan Doused Some Celebrating Titans Players In Beer
The Titans delivered an absolute shitkicking of the Browns Sunday in Cleveland, and the cherry on top was Malcolm Butler’s game-sealing pick-six with three minutes to go. When Butler reached the end zone, he and some of his teammates jumped up to celebrate with a Titans fan in the front row. A Brown...
Where Do The Raiders Go From Here?
Lost in the exciting new world of Antonio Brown the Patriot (can’t you just see the glint in Bill Belichick’s eye?) is what Brown left behind:...
Jay Gruden's Players Are Pissed After He Inexplicably Made Adrian Peterson A Healthy Scratch
Washington head coach Jay Gruden opted not to use Adrian Peterson at all in Sunday’s loss to the Eagles, despite the running back being healthy and ready to go. Gruden instead fielded Derrius Guice and Chris Thompson, who rushed a combined 13 times for 28 yards, and Wendell Smallwood, who didn’t hav...