fuck Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Somewhat Romantic Story Of Mark Sanchez And A 17-Year-Old Girl
"He would send me a text at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday, but I'd be like, I have school tomorrow." The quarterback and the high schooler: a thoroughly modern love story. READ » • ALSO: Her lawyer's letter to Deadspin....

Mark Sanchez's 17-Year-Old Lady Friend Has Found A Lawyer
So we've been working on a story the last couple weeks about Mark Sanchez's romancing of a 17-year-old girl. She reached out to us first and agreed to cooperate. Then she didn't. Then she did again. Now, of course, her lawyer has contacted us....

Cal Ripken's Daughter Called Him That Naughty Thing Written On Billy Ripken's Bat
Mix mild-mannered Cal, respectable NPR and a heaping dose of "fuck face," and you get an embarrassed Peter Sagal trying to identify the offending phrase for the audience without actually saying it. Our tax dollars, well spent. [NPR, Baltimore Sun]...

Everybody's Taking Photos With Cam Newton's Stolen Computer
The bad news about Cam Newton's defenestration of a stolen laptop when police arrived: it broke. The good news: all the tech folks tasked with fixing it got to have a little fun first....

Yes, Cam Newton Wrote His Name On His Stolen Computer
In a way, Newton's Dell laptop, stolen from a fellow UF student — then tossed out a window as police arrived — led directly to MSU, pay-for-play, Auburn, and the Heisman Trophy. Thankfully, he labeled it for posterity....

Last Night's Winner: The Cam Newton Protest Vote
At least six media members have come forward to say they won't be voting for Cam Newton, the best player in the world, because of the allegations against him. What's the point?...

Gene Chizik Talks For 20 Minutes And Doesn't Mention Cam Newton Once
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Chizik pleads the fifth on anything we actually want to know....

Oakland Willing To Discard Moneyball For "Slugging First Basemen" Philosophy
Oakland really really wants Lance Berkman. But they'd settle for Adam Dunn. For god's sake, please protect your eyebrows; this is HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

Explaining The Cam Newton Ruling, As Best We Can
We don't know a heck of a lot right now, since the NCAA and Auburn aren't talking. But we can parse the NCAA's statement and try to break down what happened, and what happens next....

Cam Newton Ruled Eligible By NCAA
The NCAA has reinstated Newton, after he was secretly declared ineligible yesterday (for procedural purposes after an amateurism violation was determined to have occurred). [NCAA, Birmingham News]...

Weekend Winner: The Big East, College Sports' Honest Harlot
TCU, a school approximately 400 miles west of the Mississippi, will soon play sports in a conference called the Big East, FanHouse informs. You have to admire the Big East. It never fails to be the hardest-working lapdancer in the room....

Steve Johnson's Dropped Pass Has Caused Him To Seriously Rethink His Devotion To A Higher Power
The usually sure-handed wide out comes to the realization that, no matter how hard he prays, there are powerful forces working against the Buffalo Bills. Nobody circles the wagons like Almighty God. [Twitter]...

Derek Jeter Is Better Than Anyone Else At Overrating Derek Jeter
Per Bill Madden of New York Daily News: "But sources close to the Jeter/Close camp have said their starting point was six years, $150 million and that they aren't budging on $25 million per year." [NYDN]...

Crazy Old Coots Still Bemoaning Felix Hernandez's Cy Young Award
Joe Morgan may be gone, but his ignorant spirit lives on. Murray Chass and Phil Rogers wonder how in the world Hernandez could be the best pitcher if he didn't have the most wins. Yes, we're still having this damn discussion....

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
They've banned vuvuzelas at the Harvard-Yale game. And they're rocking out with their gamecock out for the South Carolina/Troy game. ...

Cranky Old Man Chides Everyone For Enjoying YouTube Clip
Frank Deford on that whimsical middle school trick play: "It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse."...

Adam Dunn Close To Accepting Birthright As DH
Adam Dunn's about to hit a lot of doubles. The Rays might be hoarding Uptons. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand back, because this is one HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

Greg Oden's Shirt Is Far More Accurate Than He Realizes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

For Sale: The Laptop Cam Newton Stole
According to an emailer named "A Person With Connections" the laptop that Auburn's quarterback whipping boy Cam Newton stole from that poor kid in Florida has been recovered and is now for sale on the Scuzz Money Market. Here's his pitch....

Colin Cowherd Keeps Fucking That Chicken (UPDATE)
Yesterday, on the heels of John Wall's first career triple-double in his sixth career game, Colin Cowherd once again took to the airwaves to air his grievance about Wall's play. It was tasteful; he invoked Wall's dead dad and everything....