Adam Dunn Close To Accepting Birthright As DH

Adam Dunn's about to hit a lot of doubles. The Rays might be hoarding Uptons. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand back, because this is one HOTFUCKINGSTOVE.

•First the Yankees flew to Arkansas. Then the Rangers flew to Arkansas. Arkansas is lovely this time of year.

• Chan Ho Park signing with the Pirates would be the most perfect baseball contract in the history of ever.

•The Marlins want Ozzie Guillen, but it'll cost them a player: Logan Morrison, mayhaps? Because Florida hasn't had their fill of managers publicly feuding with the front office.

• Pujols wants A-Rod money. Jeter wants A-Rod years. Nobody wants to actually be A-Rod.

•Ken Rosenthal throws some shit at the wall.

• Gavin Floyd and Brandon Webb look like goddamned Spahn and Sain in this weak market.

• Anyone want this Papelbon? We'll throw some money in. No one?