Greg Oden's Shirt Is Far More Accurate Than He Realizes

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• College basketball tipped off in earnest! Tucked in behind the usual early-season blowouts was Jared Sullinger introducing himself to a national audience as Ohio State pummeled Florida in an exact repeat of all those SEC-Big Ten bowl games, but you know, the opposite. Oh, and Gonzaga decided to get started early on the disappointing losses.

• Sometime contributor and full-time curmudgeon Scott Raab has been writing a lot about LeBron James. One of his recent pieces has landed him on American Airlines Arena's banned list. That's going to be one hell of a book.

• The women's basketball teams played as well. Disregarding the effect it would have on their BCS standings, the No. 1 and 2 teams played. UConn won. Reader John was so enamored with what he was seeing, he decided to write in:

somebody please find out who the fine girl was sitting on the uconn women's bench vs. baylor. she had a clipboard in her hand and was wearing a blue argyle sweater with a collar underneath. i have no screen grab because i'm a broke ass college student without tivo but i'm sure i wasn't the only one to see her.

Well, at least he's watching the game, I suppose.

• Some NBA action tidbits: Wesley Matthews (no relation) led the way as the Blazers eked out a nail-biter against the Grizzlies; Derrick Rose went off in the 4th as the Bulls began their dreaded Circus Trip; and Carmelo Anthony had a ill-timed technical foul that would have cost the Nuggets if they had been playing a better team than the Knicks.

• Things are cooking on the #hotfuckingstove as the Marlins traded Dan Uggla to the division-rival Braves. Hey, you know what, Miami? It worked out for the Eagles, right? Elsewhere: Cliff Lee's sure-to-last-a-while-longer episode of The Match Game hasn't reached frothing-at-the-mouth levels of speculation yet.

• Speaking of stoves, "Coco Crisp" is in search of "a live-in personal assistant (Female) that can help simplify [his] life." Women of LA: apply and write about the job secretly for us. Everyone else: spam "Coco Crisp"'s AOL email.

• There were hockey games last night. Two of them were good.

Photo via road_to_fame

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Good morning. Bagels.