fuck Page 34 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Cardinals Broadcaster Arrested For Drunken Driving, Smiles Beet-Faced For The Camera
Dan McLaughlin—the primary play-by-play guy for the Cardinals on Fox Sports Midwest—was arrested on Monday for suspicion of drunken driving just outside of St. Louis in Chesterfield and, well, he made a funny face. [St. Louis Today]...

Florida Man Has Scarred Elderly Couple For Life Because He Keeps Fucking Their Horses
Best line from this fascinating news report via WCTV comes courtesy of Priscilla McDearmid: "I don't even like to have the dog out at night lately because we don't know if that man is standing over there in the corner somewhere watching."...

Violent Bike Collision Has Quick, Polite Resolution
A guy riding his bike with a shoulder-mounted camera hits an old man. Words are exchanged. Disputation seems inevitable. Then both graciously agree on their mutual culpability and move on. Moral: Old people need to watch where the fuck they're going....

Today In Incongruous Rap Anthems: Jordan Shipley
Everyone thank MC Howley for this loving tribute to Bengals rookie Jordan Shipley. H/T MKM...

Dwyane Wade Thinks LeBron James Has Handled Himself Very Well This Summer
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Dwyane Wade. ...

Look At This Fucking Hoopster: "Michael Jordan," Playing Dodgeball In Williamsburg
An occasional feature in which we spotlight the ridiculous trend of recontextualized basketball jerseys. Today: Hipster Jordan. Player: Michael Jordan Team: 1992 U.S. men's national basketball team Ubiquity: Fairly high Scene: Williamsburg Cut Copy show/"Pool Party" Unnecessarily Decimaled Score Ou...

This Is Undoubtedly The Worst Cowboys Fight Song In Existence
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Green Man Finally Wears Appropriate Color, Though Not Size
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Mack Brown Is Sick And Tired Of All These Agents Getting His Players Suspended
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Texas Longhorns coach Mack Brown....

Look At These Fucking Hoopsters: Grab Bag
Welcome back to Look At This Fucking Hoopster. I think this latest batch should slake your thirst for the indie bros you love to mock so much. Part One | Part Two | Part Three...

How Sports And Indie Rock Finally Fell In Love
Kurt Cobain often spoke of being terrorized by jocks in high school, as if to certify his poetic loserdom. These days, anyone with a camera handy at Lollapalooza or Pitchfork can create his very own hipster version of Straight Cash Homey. What happened in between? Duh, the Internet. What ever happen...

Look At These Fucking Hoopsters At Lollapalooza: Part Two
Welcome to the second edition of the Hoopsters of Lollapalooza 2010. There's been some debate over whether of not some of the entrants are real "hipsters" or merely "bros." Why though? This is a forum for ridicule, not ontological precision. Onto the pictures! Part One | Part Two | Part Three...

Look At These Fucking Hoopsters At Lollapalooza
This weekend's Lollapalooza was dubbed "Hoopster Mecca" by one tipster, and after sifting through all the submissions it's clear that the hoopsters made Lollapalooza the site of their Hajj. So, here's part one of a multipart series. Christ, just look at these fucking hoopsters. Part One | Part Two ...

Look At This Fucking Hoopster; Or, The Decline Of Western Civilization
Previously we noticed the uptick in hipsters wearing NBA jerseys and asked for your help in exposing more of these monsters. You did not disappoint. So click around and just look at these fucking hoopsters....

The LeBron Jersey Guy From The Indians Game Speaks!
Matt Bellamy, who riled up an entire city, says he'd move to Florida too if he could find a way. But the siren song of Sandusky is too strong! [Cleveland Frowns]...

Sen. Jim Bunning, R-Pluto, Thinks Stephen Strasburg Is A Wuss
Bunning, onetime pitcher and current obstreperous shitbag, waggled his cane yesterday at young Strasburg: "Five-hundred twenty starts, I never refused the ball. What a joke!" Then he clutched his shoulder and cried, "My arm!" That was either sarcasm or thrombosis. [Politico, via]...

Sir, You Cannot Wear That LeBron Jersey In Cleveland Unless You Go Through The Proper Editorial Process
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Armed Robbery Will Turn Stephen Jackson Into The NBA's Charles Bronson, Bobcats Beat Writer Thinks
The wife of Bobcats forward Stephen Jackson was held at gunpoint by home invaders, locked in a bathroom, and robbed in the couple's Charlotte home Wednesday. Trauma aside, she's fine. But don't tell that to Rick Bonnell of the Charlotte Observer....

We Want To See Your Ironic NBA Jerseys (UPDATE)
Yesterday, we posted a quicklink to The Faster Times's gallery of indie bros wearing NBA jerseys at the Pitchfork Festival. It's a fascinating phenomenon, a game even, as if they're actively trying to wear the most ridiculous NBA jersey imaginable....

Best News Lede Ever? Best News Lede Ever.
"Police responded early Friday to a call of shots fired at a home in Roberts and found a man apparently hallucinating an attack by clowns." [Pioneer Press](via DCarr)...