fucking Page 19 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Scott Raab Shaved "QUITNESS" Into His Head For LeBron's Return
Esquire's Scott Raab, whose LeBron Watch here chronicled Cleveland's inevitable doom last summer, still is not quite cool with LeBron James, the Whore of Akron....

How To Throw A Knuckleball, Starring Jim Bouton
This is the first of an occasional video series in which someone good at something doable teaches you how to do it. Today we have Jim Bouton, former major leaguer and author of the great Ball Four, demonstrating his old signature pitch, the knuckleball....

White Basketball Players Are Funny Because They're White
Make no mistake about it: "Scooch & Josepi" ain't nobody's kind of people. Per their site: "Their work covers all facets of satiracle comedy, including cultural diversity, and other controversial topics. If you don't like it…WHATEVER BRO."...

Tiger Woods Is Screwing Again, Everybody Run
Tiger Woods is at Bay Hill this week and one restless journalist there will ask about the reports that Tiger is now boning an IMG exec's stepdaughter. Maybe two. But if that happens, playful Tiger on Jimmy Fallon reverts back to scowling Tiger and then every writer there will have to work much hard...

The Somewhat Romantic Story Of Mark Sanchez And A 17-Year-Old Girl
"He would send me a text at 2 a.m. on a Wednesday, but I'd be like, I have school tomorrow." The quarterback and the high schooler: a thoroughly modern love story. READ » • ALSO: Her lawyer's letter to Deadspin....

Everybody's Taking Photos With Cam Newton's Stolen Computer
The bad news about Cam Newton's defenestration of a stolen laptop when police arrived: it broke. The good news: all the tech folks tasked with fixing it got to have a little fun first....

Yes, Cam Newton Wrote His Name On His Stolen Computer
In a way, Newton's Dell laptop, stolen from a fellow UF student — then tossed out a window as police arrived — led directly to MSU, pay-for-play, Auburn, and the Heisman Trophy. Thankfully, he labeled it for posterity....

Last Night's Winner: The Cam Newton Protest Vote
At least six media members have come forward to say they won't be voting for Cam Newton, the best player in the world, because of the allegations against him. What's the point?...

Gene Chizik Talks For 20 Minutes And Doesn't Mention Cam Newton Once
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Chizik pleads the fifth on anything we actually want to know....

Oakland Willing To Discard Moneyball For "Slugging First Basemen" Philosophy
Oakland really really wants Lance Berkman. But they'd settle for Adam Dunn. For god's sake, please protect your eyebrows; this is HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

Explaining The Cam Newton Ruling, As Best We Can
We don't know a heck of a lot right now, since the NCAA and Auburn aren't talking. But we can parse the NCAA's statement and try to break down what happened, and what happens next....

Cam Newton Ruled Eligible By NCAA
The NCAA has reinstated Newton, after he was secretly declared ineligible yesterday (for procedural purposes after an amateurism violation was determined to have occurred). [NCAA, Birmingham News]...

Weekend Winner: The Big East, College Sports' Honest Harlot
TCU, a school approximately 400 miles west of the Mississippi, will soon play sports in a conference called the Big East, FanHouse informs. You have to admire the Big East. It never fails to be the hardest-working lapdancer in the room....

Steve Johnson's Dropped Pass Has Caused Him To Seriously Rethink His Devotion To A Higher Power
The usually sure-handed wide out comes to the realization that, no matter how hard he prays, there are powerful forces working against the Buffalo Bills. Nobody circles the wagons like Almighty God. [Twitter]...

Derek Jeter Is Better Than Anyone Else At Overrating Derek Jeter
Per Bill Madden of New York Daily News: "But sources close to the Jeter/Close camp have said their starting point was six years, $150 million and that they aren't budging on $25 million per year." [NYDN]...

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
They've banned vuvuzelas at the Harvard-Yale game. And they're rocking out with their gamecock out for the South Carolina/Troy game. ...

Adam Dunn Close To Accepting Birthright As DH
Adam Dunn's about to hit a lot of doubles. The Rays might be hoarding Uptons. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand back, because this is one HOTFUCKINGSTOVE....

Greg Oden's Shirt Is Far More Accurate Than He Realizes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

For Sale: The Laptop Cam Newton Stole
According to an emailer named "A Person With Connections" the laptop that Auburn's quarterback whipping boy Cam Newton stole from that poor kid in Florida has been recovered and is now for sale on the Scuzz Money Market. Here's his pitch....

Charles Barkley: Whoever Asked Only $180G For Cam Newton Should Be Fired
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: finally, someone asks Sir Charles what he thinks about Cam Newton...